17 July, 2011

GUEST POST!!

It's a cold, rainy night with the week looming ominously ahead and I have my first guest post ready.


Red Handed has kindly agreed to write for me and give my blog some credibility. You have, in all probability, already seen her around, for she is everywhere. If you haven't, SHAME on you, head right over and don't come back till you have read at least five of her posts. And if you aren't impressed, then you need to get your head checked.


Her work speaks for itself; she is a writer who'll have you in splits. She is out-spoken and calls a spade a spade, no fussy nonsense for Ms.Red, nosiree:) The mystery of her identity adds to the charm (biting my knuckles to keep from asking:P) and I respect that about her. Thanks, girl!!


So anyway, here goes, in the words of Red Handed.


So many movies are releasing this year, aren't they ? Delhi Belly, Buddha Hoga Tera Baap, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and this Diwali it is DON 2 with many other chasing. So much so that I am literally having problems sewing the hole it's making in my pocket. The weekend has been a rather dull one, so I started making categories and placing our stars under them. Below are the few kinds of heroes Bollywood feeds us with.


1)      The Arm Spreader - These heroes will always show off their signature-arm spreading and waist-tilting pose in all the movies they pop in. Be it the 'running around a tree' song or Naniji breathing her last or the heroine running at sloth pace across the barley field, our hero will do his thing.



2) The Puppy Face - Those falling in this category are perfect for chicklits. They make the girls drool and say ‘AWWW’ at every little expression they manage to make. Their face which screams ‘INNOCENT’ and their Asian-paint-white complexion help them survive in the industry. Producers are the reason behind their successes i.e if any.

3) The Once In A Blue Moon- They belong to the category which manage to define the term ‘ACTING’. They are the dark horses with some hit films in their pocket. They choose the script carefully, give an appearance and then vanish into thin air, only to be found a year or two later. They give us productive stuff rather than the watch-and-forget-it-was-ever-made type. We rarely get to thump our head on the desk after watching the film. 

4) The Acrobat - They are super humans a.k.a Rajnikant devotees. They need stunts in their film to make it a blockbuster hit. They jump from towers, save random aunties from burning homes, run faster than a horse and even kill twenty rowdies unarmed.

5) The Troublemaker - This one is always under the media microscope and always ends up at the wrong place at the wrong time. Killing a black buck, driving over sleeping souls, family feuds or clashes with co-stars, they always have the media looming over them and the courts too. But we still worship them.


6) The Clone - They might not have thought of it, or might not have even tried it out, but we have dumped them in this category. They might have tried to leave a mark or force their own individuality on screen, but it always makes us say ‘Abey! Ye to Hrithik ki nakal utaar raha hai!!’ or ‘Dekh, Sharukh ka bhai!’ Poor them! Tch, tch…


7) The Toddlers - The toddlers are holding on only because of their ex-superstar dads and uncles. They rarely make it in the lead role of the movies nor do they manage to leave even a trace of their existence. The dad guarantees that ‘beta humara naam roshan karega’. 


8) The Resurrected - They couldn't reach half their current success rate during their time, but after years and years of being hidden, they finally emerged as superstars. Now it's their time and almost every third movie casts them.


9) The Immortal - He will not let go! He will not accept that he is old! He and his family cover 75% of cine-gossip and still makes it as the actor in the leading role. If you ask him why he is still here, he will scan you down and say “Buddha hoga tera baap


10) The Greek Gods - Well, they make women blackout! Their body is literally carved out of marble! Perfect jaw line, sketched out abs and biceps, hawk eyes, together with melt-the-soul smile and charm, they have it all. If they are on screen, the audience is there. Women are there to salivate and men to get jealous and run as fast as coyotes to the gym.


And there ends Redhanded's categories on actors, hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did!

Thanks girl!!:)

To read more from Redhanded, click here.






21 comments:

  1. That's a cool one from red handed!! wow!! well categorized!! and well written!! whoa!

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  2. Nice, my eyes had a great time. Really peppy post. :)

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  3. Haha.. Loved it. Specially the arm spreader.
    Btw read your post too at red handed's blog. One word. Awesome.

    Though sad how love ended in hating to such an extent that both of them killed each other. Maybe it was just passion which first took the form of love and then hatred. Great work

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  4. Wow...nice classification!! :)

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  5. Oh Wow Red! I was drooling over the Greek Gods **wink** :D Nice post and what a categorization! Good read! :):)

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  6. A very entertaining read. I follow film journalism very keenly, and truly enjoyed reading this one. Kudos to Red Handed! :)

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  7. I agree with Spaceman!! such a lovely read! :)

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  8. Greek Gods..aha..can we have something for the actresses as welll....:P

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  9. this red girl has a knack for categorising n defining types! amazes me! nice one :):)

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  10. This is a striking piece. Everyday Harman Baweja and Tusshar Kapoor gets up in the morning, hold their faces and curse their daddies, for different reasons. [Pun]

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  11. Awesome post! I loved it... and i see that the best category was saved for the last! ;)

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  12. @ALL- Khi Khi Khi!! *Blushes* Thank you!!!!! Priyanka i owe it to u :)

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  13. Good post. All the more,because the likes of serial kisser Emraan Hashmi does not find a place - FORTUNATELY.
    Glad, such a mistake was not made.

    Thank you.

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  14. Well, after the second category I stopped scanning my brain for any contemporary actors in hollywood who would do that job more perfectly.

    So first: Arm Spreader: TITANIC wala.

    Second: Puppy face: You'll know what is a real puppy face if you saw Jim Carrey make it for you. :D

    And well, the one appearing on the blue moon, I'd like a warewolf too, On screen. :P

    So while you mend your pockets, I'll try some concentration techniques so that my mind draws up analogies faster than you can even think of writing some thing unparalleled. :)

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  15. Whooping with laughter! Red, super cool post dudette! And thanks for sharing it here Priyanka. Still drooling at the last of the pack;))))

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  16. Wow Red n Pri... brilliant write up..

    Waitin fr a take on the women too :)

    (Katrina! Katrina! Katrina!:D)

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  17. Ok. I do not know how to put the same thing in different phrases. But Red is effing humorous . The arm spreader , the clone , the immortal are hilarious ! the Once in a blue moons and the greek gods are my fav :) Lovely Post !

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  18. @ All, Red is awesomely funny, ain't she:D
    So very apt classification..

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  19. Ok. I do not know how to put the same thing in different phrases. But Red is effing humorous . The arm spreader , the clone , the immortal are hilarious ! the Once in a blue moons and the greek gods are my fav :) Lovely Post !

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  20. Awesome post! I loved it... and i see that the best category was saved for the last! ;)

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  21. Greek Gods..aha..can we have something for the actresses as welll....:P

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