29 April, 2013

Relationshi(t)p

When fashion blogger Tanvii put up the cheeky post with her repartees to 'advice' on how to 'rock' a marriage, I realized that I could very well convert the snorts that pepper the flow when I'm reading any 'relationship advice' articles into a post for my long sufferingly patient blog.

What gives me authority enough to snort? Two failed relationships and more years of being a saphead in them than I'd like to remind myself of, I could be somewhat of a (low -level, atleast) expert, don't you think?


So when this came in my mail, I jumped at the chance *cheeky grin*

They say: If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
I say: His ego can. Very much so. The Male Ego is a very real thing with a moustache and a personality of its won. Yessir.

They say: If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
I say: Complacence can. The comfort of being in safe (maybe boring) relationship can. Sheer laziness/fear of being alone can.

They say: Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Likewise, don't make excuses for your own bad behviour.
I say: It takes years for a person to mature enough in a relationship to not cuss when angry. Years. Till then, flying objects and bad language/behaviour is inevitable. In most cases.

They say: Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
I say: Almost everyone almost always ignore their intuition. Which is why we have a world ablaze with dysfunctional, crazyass relationships.

They say: Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. And don't try to change him either, it just doesn't work.
I say: Biggest load of bull. Changing for someone in a relationship is inevitable because no two people fit together perfectly enough to not make little compromises and adjustments.Though the smart ones will change because they want to and the dumb ones will fill their lives with the relationship and nothing else.

They say: Slower is better.
I say: They didn't mean the other slower, dirty minds :P
Agreed. Obsessing over where it is going will spoil the moment. But this doesn't apply relationships which are over five years old and still are where they started from.

They say: Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
I say: Lets face it. None of us really wait for it and we inevitably have a heartbreak or two under our belts before we find that the one thing that truly makes us happy is shopping. Or chocolates. Or shoes. Or that LBD.

They say: If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't 'be friends.'
I say: Regardless of why it ends, 'being friends' is a common myth, an urban legend... in 95% cases. The other 5% are just awesome.

They say: Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.' You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
I say: LISTEN TO THIS. If you have doubts, reasonable ones, then it probably means that it is all going to the dogs sometime in the near future. But you won't listen. Why? Because we are built not to.

They say: Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
I say: GET A LIFE. Your own. No, seriously. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are attached at the hip. If you are, then its high time that you un-attach yourself.

They say: Do not make him into a quasi-god; he's a man, nothing more, nothing less.
I say: Pedestals are meant for fans. Trophies. A bowl of wax fruits(?). Not your boyfriend. Don't wax eloquent on his amazing-ness. Don't let him wax eloquent on his amazing-ness. If he wants to wax eloquent about YOUR beautifuls curls/eyes/nose/hair/ears/whatever, that's okay. But too much of that also has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Coz lets face it, we are not Megan Foxs or Scarlett Johannsons for him to swoon over all the time, every time.

I'm going to stop here, for this post is getting painfully long.


And regardless of how cynical the post is, finding one person that you can take goofy poser pictures with, seek advice on financial problems from, lean on when that headache threatens to overwhelm and depend on to drop the kids in school safely will always be worth all the crap. If you are lucky, that is.

P.S: Despite all the 'advice', you will get your heart broken. Therefore keep your pajamas close and a RockyRoad tub, Calvin & Hobbes and Enid Blyton closer.

P.P.S: No relationship is worth losing yourself completely in. No break up is bad enough to lose faith in love.

P.P.S.S: Commitment-phobia in a woman is a good thing. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

36 comments:

  1. I love that last bit of advice where the pedestals are left for the wax fruits and not for boyfriends. He may be amazing but you're sure as hell as amazing (or probably more!) amazing that he is. Embrace that :)

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  2. I was afraid. Very afraid. And so was he. But when we came together heart break was the last thing on our minds.

    After two failed relationships I found him. I was cynical, adamant, stubborn and stupid. He held my hand and did not let it go. Today I call him as my husband. Guess I got lucky.

    You will too. Love will find you. Soon. Just ignore it until then :)

    Lotsa love <3

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    1. The mail I was supposed to send you three weeks back is still lying in my drafts :/

      I'm so happy for you :)
      Thanks!

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  3. Haha...loved it...especially the P.Ses... :) Good to see you here after long!

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    1. Thank you!:) Good to be back, Madame..

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  5. You're back!!! :D

    it seems you came back some time ago when I got busy :s

    good to see you :)

    am sorry my comment is not related to the post even a little bit :s

    Stay Blessed ^_^

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  6. Confessional this post is between the lines. But I like it. As I have always said, honesty and real posts is what brought me here in the first place.

    keep writing. I am delighted to see your updates again. :)

    p.s Hanging in there isn't a myth. Life happens when you aren't worried about it I guess :D

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    1. :D people like you is why I miss this place everytime I think of quitting! No, really :) xo

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  7. With no intention of undermining the content of your post - I somehow kept picturing a- huge red bindi toting + thick rimmed black glasses + Arundathi Roy type lady giving this as a sermon :D

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    1. ROFL!! Did I get sermon-y/feminist-y :D You must understand that it wasn't intentional :D

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  8. Cool Post!

    Love all your counters against those tips... that goes along with my opinions too. And those P.S.'s too..!!!

    Thanks for stopping by my space and I am glad you did, or else I would have missed reading you! :)

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  9. I read that post by Tanvii too and i must you have changed it into a pretty much funnier post :) Cool blog! I love chocolate too<3
    Do visit again

    Regards,

    Bushra:)

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    Replies
    1. Haha... thanks, Bushra:)
      Definitely will!
      Thanks for dropping by..

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  10. I was so used to reading mushy gooey romantic posts here that I got a shock reading this one. Looks like the romantic has gone away and a cynical feminist person has taken her place. Interesting and funny in a cynical way nonetheless

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    1. :D the romantic is very much still there, Madame... Just that she grew up :P Thank you...

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  11. That is some very good real life advice. :) Though I personally prefer the mushy ones, my mind also knows this is real life and whatever is woven in my mind as a fairytale dream will not become reality.

    Nice one PeeVee :)

    Until later,
    Keirthana :)

    P.S: I have an insane urge to call you Peeves :P

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    1. The trick is to hit the right balance between fairytale and practical :)

      Haha, go right ahead, Keia :P I think Sushmit used to call me that long back :D

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  12. Hello, I guess, something happened to my comment. :-|
    Anyway, loved the post, i.e your take. Super loved the PS'. :D
    Stay strong woman. *hugs*
    For all you know, the previous heartbreak IS actually worth the next round of love. :)
    Nice to see you back. :D

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    Replies
    1. Nai toh.. It was published in the last post na...
      Thanks :)

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  13. So true so true so true. I've been away from blogging for so longgg. SO GOOD TO BE BACK. YAYAYYAYAYAYAYA. :D

    And I totally agree with the waiting thing. I've decided not to wait too. ;)
    'Cause it doesn't look like it's gonna get any better.

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    1. Welcome back :) Hope your boards went well:)
      Good for you, woman! Good. For. You.
      <3

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  14. All those forwards, emails, inspirational messages- throw all of them out the window. Because in real life, you cannot mend a relationship based on someone else's advice. It just doesn't work that way. On the surface, although every relationship might look the same, within, each and every one of it is different. So you need to find your own way of dealing with things. It may not be good enough to add on a list of "30 tips to save your relationship", but if it works for you, then that's fine.

    I hope whatever it is that is bothering you and has made you absconding, the cloud lifts soon. Hugs and prayers.

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    1. Thank. You. So. Much.
      Still lao you.

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  15. Aww such a Nice one, the second point is so damn true..

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    1. Glad you like :)
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  16. great post and completely agree. If we're not happy, no relation is worth it.

    www.styledestino.com

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    1. Exactly. Thanks for stopping by!:)

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  18. hahahahaha. PeeVee. I cannot stop laughing.
    The Last bit.

    Where do you get all this from!

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    Replies
    1. :D Pta nai... Inspiration strikes sometimes, I spose :P

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  19. Peevee :-) :-) came here after a long time and god is have missed so much. And worst part is john already read all the posts and didn't tell me hmph!!! Hilarious one as usual. I am completely with you on the fifth point.

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