I picture you by my side, wrapped up in a blanket together so that your warmth keeps me cozy even as my nose is nipped by the chill of the night. I get comfortable on the bench and pass on the mug of hot chocolate after taking a sip. While you look at my face and laugh at the milk moustache I have given myself. I scowl at you, making you laugh harder. Sundarikutty, you say. And we unpause The Red Wedding and watch with rapt attention. Together.
I picture you pulling a T-shirt on to go fetch milk to make me some tea on a lazy Sunday morning. I slide onto the kitchen counter and cross my legs while you wash the vessels I used last night and potter around the stove to get the tea just right, just the way I like it. You entertain me with your constant chatter till it’s time to hand me my mug and then wait quietly for me to pronounce the verdict. When I don’t, you say chai kaise bani hai and I say bohot acchi hai in between slurps and then you start sipping your own between torrents of words that I’m only half-listening to.
I picture you standing at the altar, grinning from ear to ear with happiness, with your brother by your side and your parents at the pew. You turn around to look at me, your smile falters just a bit and your eyes widen just a bit. I take my place by your side and think if it is weird that I know everything that you want to say but are not saying it because Father is standing right in front of us. Especially the thoughts about the cut of my neckline. I’m just glad I’m the focus of your attention today.
I picture you sitting on the rocking chair with the child on your lap, your wrinkled hands tapping the screen impatiently as the child stops you and teaches you how to tap it right. You sigh with frustration and remember a time when I used to frustrate you with my know-it-all-ness – about how I have always been the one who’s good with the gadgets. When I walk in with your evening dose of medicines, you take it from me and give my hand a squeeze to let me know that you are thinking of me.
I picture you standing by my grave. I want to tell you not to waste money on the elaborate flowers you have brought for me and you suddenly smile through tears as if you can hear me. You stand by my side long after everyone else is gone, just like you always have.
You. My life.
Everything started with you. And everything ends in you.
I dedicate this to K and her G, my wedding present :*
P.S: This is the kind of love I want for myself. Sigh.
P.P.S: I'm allowed to be sappy once in a while. I am. I AM. Hmph.