No, I did not die and abandon my blog, I was just busy battling a block and no, that's not an excuse either.
Anyway.
You know the feeling when you suddenly realize that things are changing wayyyy too fast for you to have any control over and there is nothing - NOTHING - that you can do about it?
Well, guess who got acquainted with Mr. Aforementioned Feeling yesterday.
You might well say that life is supposed to be like that and that change is the only changeless law but I will hear only yadayadayada because I love control. I love having control over my life and it's entailments.
So correspondingly, I hate that there are things that I can't change and have no control over, it's always been my bone of contention with God saar.
Cause of realization?
Two things:
1) My seniors' convocation. No, I was not there for the actual thing, it was held conveniently on the weekend we were due home but it made me realize that same time next year I will be attending my own convocation. While the event itself is not scary in the least bit (why would it be?), the fact that by that time, I'd have to know what I want to do with my life IS scaring the living shit out of me.
I know I sound like a directionless, spoilt teen but let me assure you I'm none of the three. It's just the fact that I have decided not to go onto PG like the rest of my class, so starting work, being an adult, is making me nervous, to say the least.
And the fact that I have less than a year to make those life-changing decisions makes me want to curl up into a tight ball like a porcupine and poke anybody who even mentions anything related. Poke them REAL hard.
2) Posts by Red and TayTay about their little brothers growing up have brought up all my fears about my own irritating version of a brother to the surface. He's 12 going on 13 and is already as tall as me, knows much more than me and is constantly beating me at NFS. Only seems like yesterday that he was a wheezing ball of cuddliness (who I used to steal Cerelac from, I know, I'm evil that way) and now he doesn't even let me hug him or meet his friends from school.
He talks to me about his PC like a grown-up, breaks my record of finishing HP and the Deathly Hallows every week and locks the door to his room.
I'm petrified.
I have already lost one brother (cousin) to a semi-mohawk, a voice that is as deep as my uncle's, low-waists and 6-feet-tallness. I don't think I'll live through another one of those drastic changes.
And I don't even want to think about when my princess, my baby sister, grows up.
What can I do to stop the race of time and freeze them all the way they are? So that they never grow up, never lose their innocence, never feel the hurt that the world has in store for them? I'll do anything.
P.S: Incase you didn't guess, metathesiophobia is the fear of change.
Anyway.
You know the feeling when you suddenly realize that things are changing wayyyy too fast for you to have any control over and there is nothing - NOTHING - that you can do about it?
Well, guess who got acquainted with Mr. Aforementioned Feeling yesterday.
You might well say that life is supposed to be like that and that change is the only changeless law but I will hear only yadayadayada because I love control. I love having control over my life and it's entailments.
So correspondingly, I hate that there are things that I can't change and have no control over, it's always been my bone of contention with God saar.
Cause of realization?
Two things:
1) My seniors' convocation. No, I was not there for the actual thing, it was held conveniently on the weekend we were due home but it made me realize that same time next year I will be attending my own convocation. While the event itself is not scary in the least bit (why would it be?), the fact that by that time, I'd have to know what I want to do with my life IS scaring the living shit out of me.
I know I sound like a directionless, spoilt teen but let me assure you I'm none of the three. It's just the fact that I have decided not to go onto PG like the rest of my class, so starting work, being an adult, is making me nervous, to say the least.
And the fact that I have less than a year to make those life-changing decisions makes me want to curl up into a tight ball like a porcupine and poke anybody who even mentions anything related. Poke them REAL hard.
2) Posts by Red and TayTay about their little brothers growing up have brought up all my fears about my own irritating version of a brother to the surface. He's 12 going on 13 and is already as tall as me, knows much more than me and is constantly beating me at NFS. Only seems like yesterday that he was a wheezing ball of cuddliness (who I used to steal Cerelac from, I know, I'm evil that way) and now he doesn't even let me hug him or meet his friends from school.
He talks to me about his PC like a grown-up, breaks my record of finishing HP and the Deathly Hallows every week and locks the door to his room.
I'm petrified.
I have already lost one brother (cousin) to a semi-mohawk, a voice that is as deep as my uncle's, low-waists and 6-feet-tallness. I don't think I'll live through another one of those drastic changes.
And I don't even want to think about when my princess, my baby sister, grows up.
What can I do to stop the race of time and freeze them all the way they are? So that they never grow up, never lose their innocence, never feel the hurt that the world has in store for them? I'll do anything.
P.S: Incase you didn't guess, metathesiophobia is the fear of change.
growing up is scary... very very scary.. *sigh* its so hard to believe that those good days are gone when you can just not bother about responsibilities and everything else.. am on the same boat ... :|
ReplyDeleteI'm sailing on the same boat too and hating it!
ReplyDelete:|
I've given up trying to control my life. It is ONE wild child that DOES NOT want to be controlled!
ReplyDeleteAft i graduated i took the same decision of not going for PG like the rest of my friends, and instead, started working hoping it'll give me some 'direction'. Am still clueless and i've moved from 'job' to 'self-employed' to 'thinking about doing my PG now'!
What am trying to say is, the path will lay itself down sometimes... so chill! :)
well girly change is inevitable and my bro is the same age as yours and yes it makes me petrified too :P :P
ReplyDeleteP.S our girl blog is in construction.. I dont have your mail id from which you blog.. Please send me that.. I need to invite you there soon..
Lady, I'm turning 25 in a few days, and I STILL don't know what I want to do in life. You have a long way to go before the panic really sets in.
ReplyDeleteLive a little till then, you'll have lots to worry about later. :) Believe me.
I understand our feeling hun but in my case i never realized the change until it hit me hard!
ReplyDeleteI still cannot ebelieve my college life wud be over next May. My brother is twice my height and still we fight through punches but last time it hurt me real bad to realize that now i wasnt strong enough to fight him.
But does fearing it help? it will take over you anyway. Loved this post because i can connect to it and totally understand your stand.
Keep writing! Much love to you!
aahhh yes the growing up and what to do with life changes and challenges.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I can share is get used to it and have fun on the ride, since we never know the twist and turns to our story.
Oops, this was supposed to make you feel good.
So, do one thing, keep a stash of chocolates handy :D
The fact that you've come to realize that changes are coming your way in the near future is a clear sign that you have grown up and are mentally bracing for them. So just sit tight and put on the Calm Hat (because that is what is going to come in handy ultimately) for it's going to be a roller coaster ride which you're not going to regret 5,10,15 years down the line.
ReplyDeleteAs for the sibling growing up part, The Kid sister surprises me each time she puts up a status on facebook, so have learnt to accept that for now; I suggest you do the same else you start feeling ancient.
We all wish we could stay young forever.
ReplyDeleteBut in this life.. it's not really possible, is it?
I used to be really scared too.
Then I started listening to music.
You'll find your path, in time.. It's natural to be worried right now.
Er... My apologies,I have no advice to offer :O Rather, whatever I had in mind has already been written by the others :) I have no siblings, but I can understand. Boys grow as fast as velociraptors, haina? Cheers :D :D
ReplyDeletePv, Im 21, going to be 22 in a few days, and have no clue where is life taking me, or what does God want me to do, I really need him to make me a call and be specific about why has he put me on this earth :P
ReplyDeleteDon't be so scared, Sisters aren't that strange while growing up, just some secrets here and there :P
P.S. I'm the little sister in the family :)
Love :)
same here =/
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteI suffer big time with metathesiophobia !
And that thing about people who know what to do with their lives... they are plain boring. :P :D
You know what... reading this post of yours explains so much that my second sis (eldest sis was close to 9 years elder to me, and so it was not exactly the same) must have felt when I was growing up. We were like.. the closest buddies when I was a kid, and used to laugh, fight (all the time), argue, watch tv, play chess/carrom/TT/computer games, irritate each other all the time, and yet fiercely stand up for and protect (or so we thought) each other from everybody else...parents included. Then she grew up, and soon afterwards I did, which led to a bit of a lull for a few years. However, after that time passed, things were back to normal and even better than it was before and we are closer than ever now :-), and still fight, argue, etc like kids sometimes :-).
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to say that change is sometimes hard, but with your heart in the right place and efforts to back it up, it's effects can definitely be 'controlled' :-). All the best.
Someone once said that you need to get on top of the surf of change and ride it to welcome it...
ReplyDeleteI still don't know what the hell that means....
But yup, I can so relate to u.. I hate it when I gotta give control but years of experience have taught me one thing about change, control and life...
Beer sure helps!
:)
"The only constant things in life are change-and taxes."
ReplyDeleteThough it scares me too.
@ Ananya, exactly. And I don't know WHERE the days went off to:|
ReplyDelete@ Rachana, thanks for the support:)
@ Chandana, I get the feeling:| Hopefully it will, I detest the uncertainty.
@ maithili, I know, right? Damn bum is growing so fast!!
Hope you got my mail yesterday?:)
@ Spiff, 'long way' happens to be 3 more years to where you are today, now I'm having panic attacks :o
@ Red Handed, it hit me quite hard too, in the form of my brother using his bat as a hitting device:P
xoxo
@ Seeker of Equanimity, more like the 'grown up' and what to do with life challenges. I'm too old to be having crisis like this.
Now that's a plan:) Thank you:D
@ Atrocious Scribblings, hopefully I will not end up mentally erased rather than braced. I know, PJ:P
*fingers crossed* That I won't regret anything I do now:)
Ancient, exactly the word I was looking for. I feel on par with a mummy everytime I talk to my cousin:|
@ Ovais, na uh, I only want THEM to stay young for ever, I never had any penchant for eternal youth:)
Music. now that's another plan.
it was natural to be worried when I was 18, 19. Not when I'm 21. No?:(
I'm OLD!:'(
@ Sushmit, You are better off without them. atleast you don't have to decide if you love them or hate them:P
And that brought a picture of my bro sprouting wings and flying away to my mind :|
@ ~Serendipity~, cheers to being 21 and clueless:D When he calls, please do tell me to give me a hit as well?
Secrets, that's EXACTLY what I'm scared of:D I remember too clearly what I myself was upto those days:P
@ äмän ♥, aww, we'll get over it. Hopefully.
@ Shobhit, they are boring, they so very are. Aren't they:P
@ Sri, the gap is what I dread, I'm 10 years older than them and when they grow up, I don't want them to think of me that way, I always want to be in on their secrets and their lives, so I can help them like my mother helped me. Ok now I sound like a stalker but hopefully you get the point.
Thank you:)
@ R-A-J, all I wanna do is kick the surf's ass:|:P
And unfortunately for me, I don't drink:o
@ cricketfreak, taxes, bah. they are worse than these:|:D
Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You're going to love it! [That line from FRIENDS is perfect in terms of describing adulthood]. Totally get your fears about change...been there, done that. Neurotic me had Plan B and C in case Plan A didn't work out. Sigh. Thankfully, Plan A did. Good luck with it all...you'll deal with change...it is after all one of the only constants in life.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteYadaYadaYadaYada :)
Be brave, it will be over, before you know it..
And, it will be beautiful and adventurous
Kunal
Life is just full of surprises..
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah about the lil ones growing up, we all did 'grow up' too.. :| I can't believe my lil baby sister is not so little nor a baby.. :( I still remember waving her goodbye as she started her 1st year into school in that cute pink frock :( and now i can't believe how time has flown and made her all sensible and grown up..
*siigh* fear the change! :( just accept life the way it is and move on :)
Well you can count me out of the 'rest of the class' as I want to work as well. Atleast for a year or two, before I opt for PG! And well, about the second part, I have a bro as well who is in college! It seems like yesterday when he was always at home, sitting bored to the core, and we used to play random games. Time does fly!
ReplyDeleteJust for the note: The convocation was ultra dull!! :P
well... I am 21 and i know changing is really scary.. but trust me honey.. everything has its own essence :) :)
ReplyDeleteIts just finding finding the hidden secrets ;)
@ Psych Babbler, coming to think of it, I do feel a bit like Rachel cutting her debit cards:|
ReplyDeletePlans B and C?!! You give me a complex -_-
@ Kunnu, :D that helped:P
Hopefully it will:) Thanks.
@ Viya, good ones ONLY welcome:)
That's the only way, ain't it. Thanks:)
@ Deepthi, SERIOUSLY?!! Wow, thanks man, glad for the company. Actually ecstatic.
And didn't expect much more from the convocation:P AVV after all:D
@ MSM, eh, you'll get through. Even if you don't I'll pay you royalty for writing spooky stuff for me:) So you'll never be unemployed.
And thanks:)
@ Madhulika, i always hated the spotting-the-hidden-objects games, 'cause I suck at them:P But thanks:)
Forgot to mention this in my comment.
ReplyDeletehttp://atrociouscribblings.blogspot.com/2011/07/changes.html
Lemme know if it helps.
hi, good to know that the blog is not abandoned :p.
ReplyDeletei know, even my brother is going thru the stage where at every visit home, i find that my brother has grown yet another few inches. And you have yet to know the best part, when your brother will talk about which of his friends is going out with whom and what kind of girl he would prefer....................till then enjoy his "childhood"
But velociraptors didn't have wings :o
ReplyDeletesure as hell you do :D we've been there , done it all :D
ReplyDeleteMyself currently undergoing metathesiophobio nd already had tonns of panic attacksss..any wayz myself 1st tym commenter..will cntnu 2 drop in!
ReplyDeletekeep writing..u r so tallented no worries:):) stop getting panic attacks:P:P. u deserve a lot and long way 2 go lady goodluck!!!!
Trust me, It is going to be okay...I've been there, done that! Nothing at all can make you 'Corporate-ready'. It is something like an on-job-traning. So, let the fear rest in peace and enjoy college as much as u can, coz that is something you are gonna miss big time...so make the most of it as of now.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you'll get placed before the course ends and you'll have something to look forward to, and a sense of direction will creep in, and you wouldn't even know when and how it happened.Just enjoy life and embrace the change.Don't be afraid of the unseen.
People grow, and we see a physical change, and a change in attitude as well.But in case of siblings, the bonds just grows stronger with time and the relationship moves from sibling rivalry to a matured friendship,which is equally beautiful :-) There will be times when you'll be so proud of the little ones, when you see them making it big in life! And there will be times when you wish you could turn them back to the toys they were, 10 years back.
I am at a job and I wonder if I really want to do this. Trust me, that feeling of not knowing never really leaves. :) Don't worry. Ul figure it out :) At least you know it has to be something to do with writing no? :p
ReplyDeleteAbout your brother, I wouldn't know that feeling. I am the youngest. :) But i can imagine how it feels. :)
Nice post as always :)
Haha... cute!
ReplyDeleteMay be you should look at the bright side too.. After an year, you won't have to take big life decisions since they would already be taken :P
I have many yadayada fundas but let's not spoil the mood of the post :D
aJ
:) growing up is scary and most of us have been at that cross road staring hard wondering where to go! but what makes the journey absolutley interesting is the memories u make growin up and how much it will make u smile a little later in liffe! :)
ReplyDeleteloved ur blog!
Build a time machine, and put it on loop :P
ReplyDeleteAnd He beats you at NFS? Does not let you meet his school friends and irritates you? Nevermind, it's a parcel, the best perhaps :)
And you going for job? Congratulations!
Enough of Ands now.
Cheers
Blasphemous Aesthete
@ Atrocious Scribblings, whoops, I used the same picture. So sorry about that, mistake was genuine and regretted:|
ReplyDelete@ Madhuri Srinivasan, :) now that's a sweet thought..
@ Sushmit, they are not those flying thingies with the crown thingies on their heads? Dammit. *off too Google*
OHH. I was picturing pterodactyls. My bad:|
@ ~Serendipity~, and didn't freak out? :o
@ KARTIKA.K, welcome and thank you so much.
Please do.
@ akanksha, thanks for the support:) Hopefully I won't go nuts by then:D
And I wish I could skip directly to the matured friendship part *sigh*
@ Srinidhi, yep:D Hopefully, that is:P
Ah to be the youngest:D
Thank you:)
@ aakash, now that's something that'll remain with me for some time - looking at it backwards, thanks for that:D
And please do yadayada:P It's kinda my effect of people.
@ vinithasaira, welcome and thank you for your time, much appreciated:) Ah, the memories, what would I do without them <3
Thank you so much:)
@ BA, yet another idea I can use, will you help?:P
But I don't like losing OR being left out :|
Thanks:D
haha I thought so :D
ReplyDeletechange has to happen, so you should be ready for it...change is something that makes life interesting, so you should welcome the change with open hands
ReplyDeleteNo Biggie, no formalities, Hi 5 :)
ReplyDeleteRemember . Whatever. It seems like forever ago.
ReplyDelete_Greenday.
Now this was the post that completely put me at loss of words. I mean, i fear the change too. After being done with university i can see my Mom all so ready to find me a nice guy and get off with my marriage and to me, Marriage is like a full stop to youth, Priyanka and i so wanna live this life my way! :/
ReplyDeleteAnd about brothers!! Year back, i was able to slap both of them, and now they have enough power to lift me and throw me off the terrace (well the didn't do it, however but i know :P)
But then with change, there are some good things too. We should see change as a surprise. :)
Don't get yourself wrinkles worrying about something that WILL happen and has not happened yet. About brothers and sisters growing up, well with time you'll see their change in attitude too. And there comes your role of playing as an elder concerned sister. Its an exercise every eldest sibling has to go through. :D
Kool...
ReplyDelete