24 August, 2011

The Miffed Spiff

There is this person whose blog I chanced upon in the middle of the night and got hooked so hard I spent my waking hours reading every single goddamn post of hers. So distinctly Malayali-sh yet so polished, she caused me to cry of laughter-induced stomach pain. That sardonic wit that so few people master coupled with a definitive opinion on topics make her a writer you will keep going back to for more, like an abused wife (for lack of a better expression):P She's also one of those few bloggers who take the time to read your post thoroughly and comment, not for the sake of comments or traffic, but gives considered opinions. It makes you want to trust her:)


Presenting to you, the grammar Nazi (which makes me re-check all my spelling on my comments on her blog and mails to her), the lady with the sinfully-sexy-chocolate-cake baking skills, a foodie who I'll admit to be even more fanatic than Joey and myself, a self-proclaimed cheergirl for Virgo, AN AWESOME writer..


And one of the blog owners who make it in onto my top-ten-most-favorite-blogs-EVER-list,
Spaceman Spiff.
Thank you milady, for being so kind as to write me a post:)

I’m going through a phase where Facebook bores me no end. I still log on to check updates, but I’m past the stage where my life depends on it. I figured out that, after all, I don’t have anything interesting to share with so many people. 

When I logged on the other day, someone on my friend list (I won’t call him friend, because he’s not. He’s there because we happened to study together in college. I didn't talk to him much even then. No, I’m not a snob, he’s an ass. We haven’t exchanged even a single greeting on FB) had put up a really sad status message. Come to think of it, he always puts up sad status messages. And sad here reads ‘LOSER’.



Something about how he’s unfriending people from his list because when he got online, even though there were over 100 friends online, only around 20 pinged him. Other status messages of his talked about how everybody is back-biting him, how people he trusts are cheating him, how he doesn't trust girls because they are all cheats and bitches, that someone very close to him used him and that God won’t forgive them. I got so tired of his status updates that, finally, I unfriended him myself.

Was it so hard for him to see that the problem was with his own attitude, and not the rest of the world? The worst part was that for the 100-friends-online-only-20-pinged status update, there were actually people who liked it!!! Dude! There are actually people who encourage such sort of behaviour?!

So anyways, the point I’m trying to make is, there are certain people on FB who will like just about any status message. It’s like a reflex action for them. “Status message: hit ‘Like’ button”. As though on auto-pilot. I can understand if the update is genuinely interesting, but for extremely silly messages, I cannot fathom it. Are they getting paid to like it? Maybe my definition of interesting differs from others’, I don’t know.



So here is a list of status updates that I feel don’t deserve to/ shouldn’t be liked. These are just my views.
1) Met with an accident. Fractured legs. Please pray for me.
What exactly do you like about this message? That the person met with an accident? Or he/she has fractured bones? Or that your prayers matter? Hmmm? Please tell me, I want to know.         

2) Having 104 degree fever. Admitted in Yashoda hospital.
You’re a sadist if you like this one. Or are you merely appreciating the fact that in spite of being ill and in the hospital, the person took time and energy out to post it on FB? That seems to be the only sensible explanation. 

3) For those of you who didn’t know, my grandfather passed away. R.I.P.
First of all, it’s Rest In Peace, not R.I.P. (Whenever I see R.I.P, I get the mental image of a someone ripping apart a piece of cloth with their hands). And second of all, his grandfather passed away, he isn’t back from the grave that you should like the update. Also, a kick in the ass for the guy for posting something like this on a social networking site. 

4) Lost my walletL
Someone on my friend list had put this up. And got some 20 likes on it. The logic eludes me…

5) (On a small town’s community page) So-and-so person passed away. He was a great soul.
One of my friends told me about this. I bet the only thing the ‘likers’ saw was “He’s a great soul.”

6) It’s raining. Having a cup of coffee.
So? I also have a cup of coffee when it rains. I just don’t believe in telling the whole world about it.

7) (whenever there’s a cricket match on) Sachin’s batting/ Sachin hit a half-century/Sachin out at 99 L/ Dhoni fielding well/ Dhoni adjusting his cap/ Dhoni scratching his ass/Yuvi rocks/ Yuvi’s drinking water/ Yuvi spat out the water. Wow!!
Err.. do you know the difference between status update and running commentary?

8) Good morning/ good night.
What is it about good morning and good night that you like so much?

9) On my way back to Timbuctoo/ Reached Jhumrithalaiyya.
Ok, if it’s a holiday that this person has gone to, I can understand the likes. But for a person who travels 15 days a month, do you really have to like it each and every time he/she announces arrival and departure?  

10) Google+ is awesome!
You’re on Facebook, and you’re promoting Google+. That’s just unethical! This one, I’m SURE you were paid to like.



Ouch! I can almost feel the brickbats falling on me!
Escape!!!


Spaceman Spiff blogs at Senseless Sense? Or Sensible Nonsense?

P.S: I have a crush on her tagline 'I don't wanna follow, I don't wanna lead. I just wanna lead life at my own speed'. Huge crush.




35 comments:

  1. I could overwhelm Spaceman with a hug right now!! You spoke about everything I have begun to hate about FB. :P

    AWESOME post!! Funny and so apt!! :) Love it

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  2. Muhahaha I so love Spaceman :D

    You know I have the same effect when I see R.I.P and that makes me want to RIP someone's throat off, no kidding!

    And the goodmorning, goodnight crap is way too hard to take in.

    Love you Spaceman <3

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  3. hehe. cricket updates r soooo on the loose on fb, most of d tym u cn catch urself frownin if sum1s posted stuff like 'sehwag out' aftr 15 mins of his departure. i mean duh!...EVRYBODY knowss!

    i don think google plus is so awesome :(

    ur blog makes me hungry :o

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  4. Abso-fucking-lutely Amazing!!!! :D

    Spaceman Rocks!!!

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  5. Lovely post :)!!!Had a lovely time reading it. And I miss FB now :P!!!

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  6. Siddharth SubramaniamAugust 24, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    Applause worthy post. Again and again, she points out traits that I think are common to most virgos. Especially with the grammar murdering, abbreviations and lame status liker's.

    I think you can include into the list

    1. Nonsensical picture tags.
    2. Lame pictures of

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  7. Hey, I follow the both of the u :)

    Nice read...U know, once my ex gf wrote somethin like no2 n I commented, 'will pray for speedy death' n she unceremoniously unfriended me :D .. yes, I still pray for her ;)

    (hw mean am I? :D)

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  8. i am bored of facebook already...sucks!

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  9. The most irritating samples......awwww!!!♥ ♥ today had loaadsss of fun with nisha, misha & anyothersha ♥♥...also stay at sicklycutename's house wass awesumm...thnk u shooo muchh sicklycutename :))) u r shooo shweet !! cant frget u guyyysssss...:D :D and @#@#@$ ...will missh u shoo muchh :(( :(( ...hugssieeeeessssssss ♥♥ !!
    The number of 's' in the comments remind me of the times I've seen parents saying 'sssssssssssssssss.......' in order to make their children pee. I do not know if it works, but I'd prefer listening to sssing parents to reading this.
    Awesome post, Spiff and thanks Priyanka :)

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  10. Spiff is awesome! I liked every point about the fb status. Just soo true!

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  11. Amazing post Spiffy :P I had similar thoughts when I had seen similar likes everywhere on Fb :P Wonderfully written

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  12. @ Srinidhi, I could too:) too bad she's physically so far away:P

    @ Soumya, So true, how hard is it to type out rest in peace in full?
    And yeah, they just took those spam texts and made them updates:D

    @ Sadiya Merchant, True:P There are things called live commentaries for that:P
    Neither do I:|
    :P Go grab some grub..

    @ The Meditating Lion, she does:P

    @ Deepthi, LOL, check out her blog, post about Malayalee food:) Worth a read, actually several:)

    @ Siddharth Subramaniam, LOL, true that. Some I have added in my own post, check it out if you have time.

    @ Warwinrules, thanks:)
    HAHAHA, you really did:D
    One gutsy person you are:P

    @ Chintan, I know, right:|

    @ Sushmit Mustafi, YEWW:D Lol but true, so many girls act so brainless...

    @ Red Handed, yep, it is:)

    @ Varun, I mailed her saying you liked it and she says thanks:)

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  13. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
    This was the post i exactly wanted to write about some time from now. I mean WHAT THE HELL!
    There are likes that are uncountable sometimes. I don't get the idea of that. And i say that to my friend that there're tow types of people on Facebook;

    1. Who likes whatever is on their news feeds.

    2. Who likes WHATEVER is worth Liking.

    I mean just a few days ago a friend wrote 'Mangoes' in his status and he earned like 50 likes. Some other day, one wrote like 'Screw you' and he earned 50+ likes again.

    Have people lost complete sense? They do like status like RIP and updates on people who are dead. I don't get the idea of liking sometimes.

    And Priyanka, there actually are people who COUNT their likes too. YES! :P
    I have many friends like them, who some day or another pops up a chant box and say 'Comment and like please'. 0_0

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  14. Spaceman - me likes this post!

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  15. you know what, i had deactivated my fb account for almost 6 months. activated it again recently. ppl were always like "WHAT YOU ARE NOT ON FACEBOOK?", and gave me pity looks like i wuz from stoneage or something.

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  16. :D

    Facebook has given the phrase 'going nuts' another meaning... :P

    There's an award waiting for you here :

    http://mindzpeak.blogspot.com/2011/08/special-award.html

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  17. This would also suit my rantings on the Like button of FB.
    another thing is people acting all lovely-dovey on FB and filling up my wall.
    My response - Get a room, or the FB equivalent, a private message.

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  18. precisely why I follow Spaceman's blog too! enjoyed the post. And, dudette, may I add - you have an awesome blog too!!

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  19. @All: Thank you so much! I was almost expecting comments like "What's your problem woman? FB asks 'what's on your mind' and we tell what's on our mind. Du-uh!"

    @Sushmit: I read your comment some ten times, and laughed till I cried each of those ten times. And finally, I wanted to pee real bad because of all the ssssssss. :p

    @Priyanka: Thank you for the wonderful intro, my dear. I'm truly overwhelmed. :)

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  20. Seems i should check out his blog ;)
    funny post.. loved it :) :)
    Thanks for stopping by my blog and dropping your valuable comment.. It means a lot to me.. :)
    Hope to see you around :) :)

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  21. Haha... dt was so funny.. - the status updates. Truly . I specifically liked the commentary one and the google plus one :D People are just out of their minds :)

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  22. Hehehe.Liked the post.Cricket updates the worst.

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  23. @Priyanka- Trust me, I have a few guy friends who do this too :P
    @Spiff- Haha :D :D So it does work then? :D :D I wonder how kid snakes manage to stay out of the toilet with their parents sssing every waking moment :P

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  24. HahaEeyore !!!

    What's your friend's name?
    'Eeyore'? =p

    Haha, I never update statuses like that.
    And the people who pop at up one's chat just to say,
    'Hey can you like and comment on my status?'

    i ♥ED READING THIS POST!

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  25. Facebook is so boring! That's why I log on to it like a million times a day :|

    I think I need a patch that will help me stop getting addicted to it.
    Oh for more Facebook fails check out lamebook.com. It's awesome!

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  26. This is HILARIOUS.
    Followed :)
    Oh, and you didn't mention the "like this and I will write on you wall" status messages:P

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  27. ok is it offensive that i feel like 'liking' this?

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  28. You're awarded :)

    http://soumya-hintofme.blogspot.com/2011/08/somersault-in-air.html

    Love,
    Soumya

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  29. Came here through Soumya's blog... and man you are SO NOT who should be on my Facebook! :P :P I have about 286876 updates everyday :P ... so much so that my boss called me in and told me since I spend so much time on Facebook and other networking sites I might as well become the Social Media Marketing person...! hahahhahaha :P :D

    Like the post though, because people DO like some status for no rhyme or reason! I had a friend who said he fractured his leg and a couple of people liked it. Beats me why! :P

    Cheers,
    Annie.

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  30. hahaha!! :P :P
    So true man! I can't believe how people can come up with such lame status updates and kamer people who 'like' them!

    Loveee the postt!!! :D

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  31. apt post.. a hostel-mate always ask me to like his status irrespective of the fact that half of his messages are irrelevant.. I demand a dislike button at par with like button at FB. And, I'm unable to get your blog updates, if possible mail me or message me at Fb whenever you post something new, I love to read varied views.

    Weakest LINK

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  32. Sorry about the late replies:|

    @ KN., really? Mangoes?:P

    And even that I can deal with.
    'Comment and like please' is just sad. Plain sad.

    @ Ginger, don't give a shiz. We ALL will be better off with social networking:D

    @ Shobhit, lol it has:D
    And thank you so very much:)

    @ Seeker of Equanimity, :D actually I'm a little guilty of that one:P Ok not entirely lovey-dovey but a little close. Sorry;P

    @ Nirvana, thanks for dropping by:) And so glad you like <3

    @ Spiff, please don't be, I only speak the truth:))

    @ Madhulika, it's a 'her' milady:) And yes you most certainly should:)
    And it was entirely my pleasure:)

    @ anjLi, they are:D
    Long time, no post:|

    @ Blue Lotus, i know!! Like every seven minutes-_-

    @ Sushmit, wow THAT gay? Sorry no offense:P

    @ Hamza,they ASK you to like. Wow.

    @ Zarine Mohideen, it's like an addiction:P
    Will SO do.

    @ cricketfreak, thanks:) her or me?:)

    @ confusedyuppie, :D Lol no, she'd prolly love it:P

    @ Soumya, thank you so very much:)

    @ Ice Maiden, welcome and this was a guest post, don't blame the carrier:D And did you get the job?:D

    Maybe because they hate him?:P
    LOL

    @ Viya, true, that:)

    @ Rachit, maybe we should get a petition going for the dislike button:D
    Try subscribing for the feed, or my FB page and twitter handle both get immediately updated as soon as a post goes up. If nothing works, I'll mail you a link, yeah?:)

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  33. And what about updates like 'Don't ask me what happened?' :/

    Facebook is fast becoming a place to brag and argue. The initial attraction has worn out and Orkut is already Resting In Peace :p

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  34. @ Destiny's child, hopefully FB will too, letting us get back to making real friends:)

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