03 October, 2011

Unfinished, Incomplete, Unspoken...


I’m getting married, I thought as I twirled the engagement ring around on my finger.

I looked at him from across the room, making lame jokes with Pappa, both of them trying not to feel out of sorts and I only saw the cute boy I fell head-over-butt-over-heels* for in the first year of college. Nitin had grown up, I smiled at the thought.


Nobody had expected us to last a month; when we did until the end of college, they said marriage was out of question. Now here we are, the very same people, wishing me all the joy in the world and checking out my jewellery, promising that they’d come for the wedding.

He was the one who made it work, though. I gave myself no credit for the volatile, moody, opinionated, ambitious, idealistic brat I was. But he’d proved time and again that he was here to stay, take all the shit I threw his way, make me hurt for the very same shit and keep me grounded. Nitin was the one who came home and asked Pappa for his daughter’s hand, true old world style. He was the one who put up with the whiplash tongue of Mummy’s when she riddled him with questions about her eldest daughter’s future. He was also the one who never let me go once during the whole time I’d gone to meet his parents.

He still held my hand while crossing the road, bought me golguppas from the ‘unhygienic’ stalls and never came to see me without a Crackle and a brand new book. Ever.

Yes, I’d gotten lucky. So very lucky.


But it still nagged me. Nagged me like a tiny worm in the apple, at the corner of her heart. Nagged me that I still dreamt, thought about him. Sometimes. Maybe it was just the incompleteness of it all; it ate away at my happiness, in wee little bits.
I hated myself for it and knew that Nitin would be infinitely sad if he knew about this – it was the only secret I had from him. Only.

***
I got down from the bus and tied my hair into a messy ponytail before hauling the backpack on. I stood there for a minute, a full minute, questioning my sanity. But this was something I’d meant to do for a full eight years now.
Firming my resolve, I took out my phone and dialed.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” I tried to keep the automatic smile out of my voice.
“Who’s this?”
“Does Fernandez ring a bell?”
“Fernandez!! Long time, dude. Whaddap with you? New number?”
“Yeah, Bangalorewala
“You are in Bangalore? Where? For how long?”
“Just for the weekend.”
“Business or pleasure? Is naacheez se milne ka koi iraada hai kya?”
“Btw, you remember you owe me something? I’ve come to collect, Mr. Naacheez.”
“The ride?! You still remember?” His deep throaty laugh sounded at the other end.
“YOU still remember. I’m surprised, Shiv. Very surprised”
“I don’t say things aiway, Ms. Nina Fernandez. When are you coming to collect?”
“Now?”
“Now?! Didn’t you just get here?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Where exactly are you?”
“Next to the bus stand, in front of a Wills Lifestyle showroom.”
“Don’t move. Bye.”


 My hands shook slightly as I put the phone away. Now there was no looking back, he was coming. I brushed off thoughts about Nitin and steeled my will.
***
Damn, I’d forgotten how handsome he was. Devilishly hot – a term he redefined. Right from those beautiful, commanding eyes that had first drawn her gaze to him, and held, to the floppy hair that still was floppy to his impeccable sense of dressing that made him swoon-worthy. The trademark smirk was already in place by the time he parked his Avenger in front of me, “Hellloo, Nina. Long time… too long I should say” and gave me the Once-Over.


“Uh hmm… You look exactly the same as in college, you know?” was all I could manage without making a fool of myself.
“And you look faaaiyyyn, girl. Planning for a wedding suits you, I suppose,” he said with a wink.
“Shameless, still,” I quipped with a genuine grin this time. “Are we going to stand here talking all day?”
“What’s stopping you from getting on,” he came back. “Where do you wanna go?”
“Surprise me.”
So I got onto to the bike and held on for dear life while he weaved in an out of traffic like he was born on a bike.
***
We sat on the cliff top munching away at the channa he’d got for us.
“So what does it feel like? Getting married and all?”
“I don’t know, honestly. I’m kinda numb now, waiting for it to hit me still…”
“Isn’t this what you have been wanting to happen since you got together with that Douchebag?”
“He doesn’t like you either, so I let that slide.” I huffed.
“Yeah, well, I’ll never forgive him for stealing you away”
I looked at him startled, sure that he was kidding.
He’d never said anything like this before, not in all these years of intermittent contact, the occasional texts and the very, very rare calls. Nothing to indicate he’d ever considered even going out with me.
Not that it would have made a difference, though.

He was looking at the sunset which was apparently far more interesting that my flabbergasted face. “Oh, close you mouth, I’m not that good looking alright?”
It was all I could to not hit him. “Jackass” I murmured.

A few moments of silence and he turned and looked at me, “You never knew?”
“Knew what?”
“That I broke up with Anagha because of you?”
“What?!”
“She caught me staring at you one time too many…”
I was lost for words; I sat there with my mouth open for the second time.
“Stop looking like an adorably brainless goldfish and get your tush up, it’s time to go.”

We got up and made our way to the bike and he took me back to the bus station like a good little boy, I didn’t have to pray this time.
Chalo bye, I don’t think I’ll make it to the wedding, but do NOT cut the cake at the reception until I get there or there’ll be hell to pay, Miss Fernandez.”

And he kissed me.
The world didn’t stop, the skies didn’t fall down but I felt it with every frayed nerve ending. It was over before I could even start processing it for what it was.
“For old times’ sake. For old flames sake. You take care”
And he rode off. Ironically, into the sunset.

“If you were single when I met you. Or if I were single when you met me.
Maybe things would have been different.
A story that ended before it even started.”

* expression copyright Varun Nanda
P.S: Viya, I kept thinking of you while writing this, I have NO clue why:)


Edit: It is ENTIRELY fiction. Resemblance to living characters is not regretted though. 
Bangaloreans, please excuse my poor knowledge of the city as well.

53 comments:

  1. I'm glad it ended well and didn't ruin anything. That seems pretty rare really.

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  2. Beautifully written. :) "Somethings are not meant to be, perhaps a fairytale is being written." :)

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  3. Ok i am confused now .. let me re read the post ..



    Bikram's

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  4. darn you girl! i had a rough day and you made me nostalgic :'( i miss those bike rides...

    and i was thinking i was reading true story....and who is varun nanda? the copyright?

    love
    Chintu Singh

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  5. You write fiction very articulately; carving and sculpting emotion here and there comes naturally to you.(assuming this is fiction ofcourse, else that makes me the biggest Jackass alive).

    Practicality is the buzzword.Your post wreaks of that word every now and then.

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  6. @ Mark, it didn't? What do you think her fiance will do if ever he finds out about her trip and the kiss?:P

    @ Srinidhi, thanks milady!:)

    @ Bikramjit, and did you?
    Honestly, 'confusing' was not a reaction I was expecting:D

    @ Chintan, :) glad I evoke emotion!
    It isn't. Nope.
    Varun Nanda is my beau. Copyright was only for that particular word.

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  7. Beautiful story.. why does this happen .. She is indeed very lucky .. if only she knew about shiv breaking up then it may have been a different story but this one is also so nice .. she has someone who loves her and she loves him ..
    beautiful story ...

    Wish it happens in reality ..

    Bikram's

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  8. This is very realistic and the emotions are very true. Something along these lines happened to me too. It didn't end that well. But I guess honesty is what matters. Nina was/is honest and true to herself.

    Also, is it fiction? I feel that very fictitious story has a thread of reality running through it. If it isn't well, it doesn't matter 'cause you write really well!

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  9. Ah kind of my story..my guy got dumped coz he gave his bestfriend i.e. Me a lot of attention. A lot of stares. I used to give him too but secretively coz i knew he had someone. Time passed and one night he got really drunk and told me everything by mistake. Next day he cudnt face me. But lol things turned out great.2yrs now.

    Sorry for telling my story here.
    Great one PeeVee. You know how to make fiction sound real.

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  10. wonderful piece of post :)
    simply wonderful :)

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  11. very well written....
    dont know what more to say

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  12. awww..no words!!!!

    yo fictions makes me totally engross in to it!!

    well written :) goodluck!!

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  13. I agree, you make fiction sound very real...I liked the for 'old flames sake', copyright on the beau bit as well..BTW did you there are some people who wil just for the kicks try to copy something which is copy righted :P...and twin dearest which cliff is this in Bangalore where you can enjoy sunset like this? I too wanna go...:(

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  14. Hi,
    Beautiful post, nicely written.

    http://www.iredeem.blogspot.com/

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  15. @ Atrocious Scribblings, it IS fiction:P And thank you:)
    When you say 'wreaks', I'm assuming you meant 'lacks'?

    @ Bikramjit, even if she'd know Shiv was single, it wouldn't have made a difference for she was already in love with Nitin:) That's the whole point for they never are single at the same time. It DOES happen in real life too, so many time:)

    @ Zarine Mohideen, she had to be true to herself for if she didn't it would mean that her marriage would have started off with a regret in her heart.
    'Thread' of reality is the keyword here:)
    Thank you!

    @ Red, great in the sense, all of you moved on or great in the sense, awkwardness sorted out?:) Either way glad it did.
    No, glad you shared:) Thank you for that..

    @ Smita, ChickLitGirl, nikhimenon, thank you!:)

    @ Anon, thank you so much:) But you needn't have been anon na:)

    @ Pinx, nope, that was meeshtake my girl, the copyright was for that asterixd expression ONLY. But thanks:) And i have added and edit especially for your query:P Sorry about that..

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  16. New to your blog gurl! :D
    Amazing, loved the layout and the writing :)
    Keep up the great work!

    PS : Cliff and SUNSET in Bangalore? :O :D
    I wish.... :'(

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  17. This is so good! :) You have a way with words. You make us emote with your words.

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  18. wow this was so amazing! The title was totally apt for this post!! Loved the way you expressed it :)

    N i think I know why you kept thinking of Viya.. coz she too completed 8 years with V.K like the girl in your story :P

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  19. OMG!! I'm pretty speechless rite now...
    and a kinda similar thing did happen in my life too.. ;) (its so freaky! that while writing this it reminded you of Me!!! )
    Varun Nanda sounds really familiar... maybe i have someone like that on my friend list on FB.. or some random person i met during a fest i guess..
    Jus lovvveed the way you've written this! :)

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  20. Ho! Bhagyam! I thought she was gonna die in a bike accident or something. :/

    P.S:- What expression is copyright Varun nanda? I'm sorry, but I couldn't find what you were referring to.

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  21. OMG! I loved it! It made me go 'aww' and that happens so rarely! Its adorable!

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  22. I guess something's are just not meant to be! I loved this piece and your beau's expressions is beautiful :D .. When I started reading the post, I thought you were really getting married! :P .. hehhe niceee :)

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  23. @ Shreya, thank you:)

    @ The Updater, welcome to my space and so glad you like it:)
    Thank you!

    Fiction na, adjust please:P

    @ Sugar and Spice, thank you:)

    @ maithili, thank you, you awesome writer!:)
    Ahhh, maybe:P

    @ Viya, it did?? O_O wow, it IS freaky:D
    Varun Nanda is the guy I keep harping about it my blog:P That's where you must've heard:D
    Thanks girl!!

    @ Divya, :P LOL, thankfully she didn't:P
    There's a teeny asterix next to the expression 'head-over-butt-over-heels' which is copyrighted to Varun Nanda.
    Hoh. Confusions of the nations:P

    @ Paanipuri Lover, thank you:)

    @ confused soul, aww thanks:)
    Lol, woh toh not for another 5 years though:P

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  24. Hai main mar jawan gur khake!!! aini soni teh interesting stroy aine arson vaad padhi haigi hai maine!! ( I'm hoping u can understamd Punjabi:P..;) Even if u don't I knw u WILL;) haha...
    u took my breath away with the apt pictures and the twist and simplicity which poignantly gripped me in the whole narration. More than that Peevee..i was associating the whole feeling of "getting married " to a "dream like state" and I do think its kinda true..it just happened recently with a frnd of mine...and even before she could let that seep in..soon I got to hear that she was expecting:P...well that's another story though...loved the last few lines as well..nice way to end;)
    bravo!!!!
    Love ~ Aakriti

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. PRIYANKA !!! That was MIND BLOWINGLY beautiful woman! you have all the rights to stand atop the globe and scream of PRIDE! just pat ur own back on my behalf! :D

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  27. I only read books with the same concentration I did now.
    I loved it. Just loved it.
    But it's soo sad.
    I feel sorry for her and for both of the guys.

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  28. I wonder how many of us had a sense of Deja-vu when we read this!! I certainly did! Thanks for writing this!

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  29. shit! nothing happened...thank god nothing like that happend to me.....heeeeeeee.....coming here after a long gap....and girl....what a treat i got!! cheers...

    chintan: love your name "chintu"

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  30. omg i dunno whether its cute or heart breaking- but it ,sure, is a veryyyyyyyyyyy beautiful piece!

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  31. Priyanka, OMG!!! What a post, so lovable, I am impressed, girl. Wonderful wonderful stuff!

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  32. wow..seriously nice Ms PeeVee,and the last words that you wrote completed the whole story,i fee like reading it all over again

    and it was sad :'( because the story ended before it even started.”

    good work babe

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  33. This is very, very well written:)

    I wish there was something that could happen here.
    I wish how the budding love could find a way to enhance the joy of togetherness.
    I wish it would all end in a happily-ever-after.

    However, very seldom does that happen:)

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  34. @ Aakriti, I get the gist.. Something on the lines of you having read inni soni story after a long time?:D YAY, Shahid Kapur inspiredwala Punjabi:)
    Thank you so much girl!!:)
    And congrats to your friend:D
    xoxo

    @ Muhammad Israr, the best stories are the ones that never happen na:)

    @ Akila, aww, thanks so much, love:)

    @ Ovais, thank you, show this to the One-Who-Leaves-You-Breathless and tell me what she thinks:)
    Don't be sad, it was never more than a deep crush for either of them... It wouldn't have made a difference unless both were single at the same time:)

    @ Nirvana, I, for one, did:D
    It was entirely my pleasure:)

    @ HijiBijBij, -_- MIA, why?
    And thanks:)

    @ fatima, thanks milady, first time around?

    @ NakedReality, thank you:)

    @ Animesh Ganguly, welcome here and thanks!!:)

    @ the other side of me, please do:D Thank you so much!
    And it wasn't meant to be:( Just about how there are millions of unrequited crushes that go unacknowledged. All three of them are very happy with their lives...

    @ Priyanka Kamath, thank you!
    She DOES have her happily-ever-after:) And he will find his once she's out of the picture:) Hopefully:D

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  35. You stole it, Victorrr!
    I could actually feel the cold breeze against my skin and my body going all dead from head to toe when I read the part where he says "You never knew?"
    You know, you could actually get all chilled up once you are standing infront of one person you never thought your life with and suddenly he's like raving for you, and he's always been but you never knew.
    Such cravings, such stories, are not mostly true cause to me, men are subtle and soul with fleeting emotions. They do fall in love again, and again. Like we women do. Maybe the world would stop with that one "NO" but it will start spinning time and again.

    The peck. The last kiss and the last look with the twinkle in the eye, I would say, is the worth remembering part. Cause you know what? That's what I call love.

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  36. "Somethings are not meant to be, perhaps a fairytale is being written."
    Wow!
    BEAUTIFUL post.
    Loved.every.bit.of.it!
    Amazing post
    xoxo

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  37. beautiful....................and so nicely written.............kudos

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  38. I don't know why but while reading it I felt that I might go through the same feeling in future. I don't want to, though.

    You have so beautifully expressed it.
    Good work. :)

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  39. I am speechless right now...
    it was so beautiful.... its just sometimes when you find such a post where you find a part of you in it...
    I loved it like hell.... :)
    I am waiting for your guest post (more eagerly now) ;)

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  40. it was amaziiiiinnnnnggggggg. dunno what else to say.

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  41. Lovely story.. n i liked the way it ended.. not the endin i ws shamelessly lookin forward to tho :)

    brilliant story, Priyanka :)

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  42. "If ifs and buts were candies and nuts then we'd all be having a merry Christmas."
    -As Sheldon Cooper would have replied to the quote you mentioned in the end :D
    Very nice tale, this :)

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  43. I looked at the title after reading the post and no other title can be apt! :)

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  44. @ KN., *takes a bow* thankyo thankyo:D
    You know what the funny part is? I have never felt this - my crushes never reciprocated nor did I reciprocate to anyone who crushed on me. Funny that I wrote this actually.

    @ Blahblaholic, thanks, girl!

    @ Madhuri Srinivasan, thank you Madame:)

    @ Vinati, let's hope you don't for it might tear you between the two guys:|
    Thank you!

    @ Madhulika, thank you so much girl!:)
    Trying to work out what exactly will go with your theme:)

    @ Mahnoor, thanks milady:)
    Btw, if I may, what does your name mean?

    @ Raj, your back from the dead? Wow! :P
    You were looking forward to which one? her dying or her running away with the other guy?:D
    Thank you!

    @ Sushmit, cynic:P
    See the beauty of the if's, of what they mean... the world of possibilities that an 'if' opens up...
    Thanks:)
    You have been missing?

    @ Pria, that's what you liked most about the story, Madame? The title?:D Doesn't say much for my story-writing skills:P

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  45. Talk about beautiful writing. PeeVee, you surely deserve a chocolate syrup laced double chocolate fantasy for this!

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  46. She said that it was very well written :)

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  47. hello.. hey thank you for checking my blog and joining the Devil's workshop..!!!

    This was a lovely story.. in fact, I had strange feeling as if I know them when i was reading it..!! :)Nicely written and very descriptive :)

    keep writing more.. :)god bless :)

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  48. Very Crisp narrative. Unrequited love has its own charm. Not everything is meant to be the way..we want. And that is perhaps the beauty of it. :)

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  49. Yes, lets just say that I've bitten off more than I could chew :| Quiz club, anchoring in Durga Puja, CAT classes, three presentations in the last month itself.
    "I saved a nun's life, why is God punishing me like this?"
    -Sheldon Cooper, of course :)

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  50. Oh Man! The way you wrote this...until "Fernandez" came about...I was holding my breath! I could picture every scene...! "If you were single when I met you..." those lines are so...hitting!

    Brilliant narration and the tie up of emotions...made me crave for more! :D :D

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