12 November, 2011

And I'll Be Back

I’m sorry about not updating like a Mad-Hatter that I used to be. Nia wrote a post and it made me all guilty about the kind of crap I have been churning out for my blog these days. Most of it, just for the heck of it. I see the quality of my writing taking a serious hit; The Bike Ride and Real Beauty were so much better than Of Simple Lives and Raindrops and I’m sure you’d more than agree with me.

There was a time when I used to write for myself. A time when each piece I wrote took me an hour and a half, intense involvement and thoroughly furrowed eyebrows to conjure up. A time when each word I wrote made me happy, made me feel the emotion. A time when I finished typing and I’d be overcome with a feeling of intense satisfaction, one of having done something useful. A time when I used to be proud of having written that piece, so much so that I run around asking people to read it (regardless of whether they wanted to or not). Writing good stories and pieces get me high like nothing else does.

Somewhere along the way, I started posting to accommodate the growing number of followers; I started to think in terms of what they’ll want to read rather than what I’d want to write about. I started being increasingly random, I cooked up fiction that I did not feel just so that I’d keep up the posting frequency; each post giving me increasing amount of inferiority complexes about the poor quality of my own writing. I consoled myself saying that if people don’t criticize the posts, then it doesn’t matter. I refused to acknowledge that criticism is not a part of the blogger world; we just do not say it out loud.

I started using my blog to get back at people person/s, I know I should have drawn the line then but the stupid part of me egged the sensible part on. I took up a brainless meme, which I hate seeing in my archives now.

The trick is to find that fine line between what I feel and what readers want to read. I realize now, that I’ll be proud of my blog only when I love every single post. And while posting frequency matters, quality matters even more. To me, atleast.

What was once a source of immense pleasure and inspiration, has become a chore; reading blogs, ones that I love and ones that I discover. I have hated leaving comments in the last few days for I left them just for the heck of it. I haven’t even been able to do full justice to DOV. The writer in me wilts at all these.  

I’ve decided to take a break for a week (I doubt if I’ll be able to keep away even that long and I have to block myself on Google to stop me from posting anything) but I have to do this if I want to be proud of what I write once again, something that means a lot to me in the long run. I think of this as a cleansing process of sorts, kinda like getting my head out of the dung it seems to be stuck in and airing it out a little bit.

Do NOT get me wrong, I still am as obsessed with Blogger and the writer in me still breathes for those lovely comments and mails that I get but I just need to find a way to go back to what I was when I came to Blogger first.
My not-so-new maxim
Do wait around for I’ll be back with better PeeVeeness.

P.S: No blogging crisis here. No depression. Just thoughts of having gotten stuck in a place I don’t want to be in.
P.P.S: I just wrote out a whole post bitching about somebody who has made it their sole aim to annoy the crap out of my life, the shame at the vitriol and sheer violence of the post made these realizations surface. At least Annoyer was helpful that way. And special thanks to Spiff, who has somehow become that person I go to when I'm extremely frustrated.
P.P.S.S: After more than three years, I still love my post scripts:) At least some things haven’t changed.
P.P.P.S.S: Prithvi, Shreya and Viya, you guys are the mantals :P I was reading through my Twitter timeline only to realize that we make absolutely NO SENSE:D
P.P.P.S.S.S: Does anybody else think that a grown up, seemingly non-retarded person who spells pretty as ‘pwetty’ should be shot? At least in the ankle? No? Sad.


  1. Ayeee... I am hoping to see the change.. I joined your blog very recently, because one of my blogger friends recommended it,but I kind of thought you were talking to someone else.
    Don't get me wrong, but I don't doubt my friends judgement when she says that you're a good blogger. May the stars shine upon you :)

  2. I hope that you do start to love your writing again, and we'll see you when you get back.

  3. aha!! the post which I was waiting for!! Blessed be you :)

  4. Enjoy the break and hope to see you back rocking.

  5. Talk about it :P Enjoy your blogging break I'll def miss your witty posts. :P

    And yes, it happens, when people start reading you begin thinking what they'd like. Very natural.


  6. I get what you mean...for Blogging for most of the people mean to write something, that comes from the heart. I am with you, in this. :) :) Be back soon!

  7. I think all bloggers experience this at least once... there are some posts of mine which I absolutely hate because of their quality. I know I could have done much much better but like you said i posted them just for the heck of it. To maintain the same posting frequency.
    But they serve as a reminder... To not repeat the same mistake again.
    Take some time off and come back with some fabulous posts :)

  8. now what the hell is going on??first arpitha holla and now you.....suddenly all good bloggers i know are taking a break from blogoville..leaving poor ol monumnetally cranky all alone...no fair..i tell u...no fair....come back soon please...

  9. Oh..Enjoy the well deserved break and please be back with more interesting posts. Not the usual ones that we get to read, but something that really comes out from the real YOU!

  10. I completely understand and I also feel that every blogger goes through this phase when we write more for the reader's choice than for ourselves.. I have taken a break from fiction for the very same reason- I want to work on quality.. We will be waiting for the comeback of PeeVeeness :D:D

  11. @ Tangerine, you had me at the word 'friend recommended', I had no idea people were doing that:D
    Thank you so much for the confidence, I''ll prove your friend right:) Hopefully.

    @ Mark, thanks Mark:)

    @ Sushmit, and I have you to thank for it. You and your mean smileys. HMPH.

    @ Live2cherish, thanks!!

    @ Sonaksha, thanks love:)

    @ Pradeeta, I'll still be reading some of y'all, do keep me entertained enough to not jump back in with a rotten post:)

    @ Chandana, they have lowered my confidence in my own writing abilities, now I feel like an air-head writing nonsense posts:(

    @ Rahul, Arpitha's taking a break? 0_o I had no idea!! I'll go check that out.
    And doode, I'll be back in hardly a week to bug you some more:) I doubt if I can stay away longer. Too hooked.

  12. Your blog di!!! :) blog away to glory :) :).. I just can't wait for you to be back :) :).. anything you write pretty much makes me read till the end :) :)

    And where have you beeenn?? :P i swear it literally made no sense at alllll... and twitter has literally stopped me from ranting out on my blog.. :|

  13. Well i didn't realize that you are posting to accommodate the increasing followers. Your posts are always interesting and if sometimes you add some fiction its equally good to read. Moving with a single trend(personal stories) can make thy readers non-interested in your blog but you are going great.Aren't you ? You have a mix bag, posts on various issues and i love them wholly :)
    The news that you will stay away from blog is making me a lil upset but i hope you return soon with high spirits !
    Take care ..

  14. Peeve? Why?!

    Now I feel so bad :(

    The Part 5 of my first short story was the last entry that I was not satisfied. Though it got sky high likes, I wasn't happy. A friend of mine approached and said, "Write for yourself, not for others''. I thought about it, and realised how true it was. Since then, I wrote stuff which made me happy, which gave me the satisfaction. Even though, I don't get many likes, I'm happy. If I do get likes, I'm happier. It's a win to win situation. Rather than being unhappy, but getting hell lots of readers.

    Like how my latest post Subconciousness got several objections, but I've been all out to stand for my post, cause I know how valid and satisfied was I with that entry. Yet, I'm happy with that piece!

    It's aa great thing that you're up for a writer's soul search! It's glad that you're willing to write to satisfy yourself. Because only courageous people can make themselves glow in proud when the whole world says no! :)

    Way to go! I'm behind your back babe! Just do it, will miss you. I will definitely wait for your comeback post! :)

  15. You know what, you just described EXACTLY what I feel! Word to word! :) I almost deleted my blog this week and even started an anonymous blog cos I was so tired of the way I wrote to please the readers, but not the writer in me. But instead, I changed my blogger look, to make me feel more comfortable in my own blog, and it still didn't work. :D

    But I hope you bounce back soon. Cos I love reading your posts! You have a gift with words, and when the week gets over, I hope you come back with something terrific!

    Cheers! :)

  16. a very inspiring post yaar. wen i finished readin this i was jus starin in some direction and thinking for 5 minutes. well written :)

  17. Whatever you do, do it from your heart! I am glad that you are in on it. Come back soon with awesome posts :) Cheers!

  18. Hmm...don't fall in to readers trap...i fell too when some mentioned write a book...i am not ready and realized am.not as yet. I have delib stopped replying comments on the blog instead i read and reply to their posts. that's why i cut on photography blog comments too.

    i think you won't take or need that long to strike back as the realization has hit. i was not getting your feeds cuz of feedburner issue...this too reflected on my reader late...thus have.not read recent ones..but peevee peevvoooo you did not disappoint me. but if you feel the need...take a break and brb asap please <3

  19. This made me think about my own writing.
    Eagerly waiting for better PeeVeeness! :D Even though I love your posts anyway! :)

  20. Hope you'll be back with great posts as usual! :) And, for the record, I agree with you- I simply cannot tolerate pwettiness! :/

  21. Its not always 'why' you started the journey that matters, its more often than not 'how' you enjoyed the course of the journey that matters.....

    don't be so blue about your reasons , because ultimately the prime reasons is always -if you want to write , you will write and no one can stop you...'. There is no soul who can make you feel bad about your writing.:)

    As for the tax that it takes to drop a comment/follow/acknowledge things..abandon them as long as you don't do it out of your free will/are not honest about it. But again, this shouldn't be reason for you to stop writing....
    You first write for yourself and then for anybody else!
    taking a break is cool, though :D
    Take care!

  22. Dont give in for the number of followers...Write only because it makes u happy. Followers matter but not to the extent of affecting ur real blogging style.
    U write awesomely well...
    And yes tht person shud b shot..direct in the head

  23. Very true!! Even I used to crave for my followers list to increase, and would post accordingly!! But I am sure you are going to be back with a bang :)!!
    And I loveeeeee The Bike Ride and Real Beauty!!!

  24. Wow Pri.. a very introspective piece..few lessons that we bloggin beginners can definitely pick up on...

    U write awesumly well, Pri.. i love ur short stories n sometimes marvel (enviously) hw u manage to churn out so, so many short stories so frequently..

    My only takeaway frm this post is tht the great blogger tht u r, is gonna churn out even greater stuff :)

    Rock On, Ms Victor.. as u always hv been :)

  25. Now, this inspires me to read the The Bike Ride and Real Beauty which I am going to do now. I am new to your blog and I like the way you write. You go find the 'you' blogger in you and be back with a bang while I go and check out the posts you wrote when you started off :)

    Be back soon!

  26. Well, all I would say is take time to find out the the very reason to all that you do on blogger :)

  27. hey, i soooooooooo understand how you feel...a couple of posts back i lamented this very bafflement...to write what i like or what the readers would like to read.

    the pressure sometimes becomes too strong over the creativity and forces us into a deeper lull!

    take your time and yes, we must truly love each and every post before posting it-i do that too although the love does not measure the same each time!

    here's hoping you bounce back soon and rock like you do:-)

  28. I had a similar situation in 2007 , when I used to be in a poetry writing group of sorts and though I was enjoying it initially, Ilater I started posting just for the heck of it, almost one every day, and most of them began to look really similar, then I stopped for a long while. But personally, I didn't think your posts were getting repetitive or anything, except may be the last story which I personally did not like as much as your earlier ones. Definitely waiting for your come back .:)

  29. Waiting for your return...Come back soon!!!

  30. :)

    Now you know why I went off the radar for while.. The break will do you good.

    ANd I'm just a text away, you know that. :)

  31. A very important person in my life told me once, "Write cause you fed your need to write. Write to be able to do what you believe you want to do. Write, write, write, write. And someday, it will all make sense."

    :* You are always good.
    Some just better than the others.
    I understand your need to not write for a while. :)

  32. *Smiles*

    I know how this feels, a break will do you good. Be back soon :)

    None, absolutely none of your posts have not 'not made sense' to me. Right from the first one to this, I've loved each one of it. Fiction, random, or be it the hot pics :P

    'Pwetty', seriously? I mean seriously? I'm with Red on this. Straight in the head, between the eyes.

  33. Taking a beak? Koi ni! I know that you'll come up with awesome-blossom posts! :D

    Waiting for 'em! And have anice long break! :)

  34. Sorry I haven't stalked your blog in a while :(

  35. I think we all do feel that. You can see some randomly unrelated posts on my blog which I like few of them and yet again I hate another few. Its just that I posted them for my sake.
    Yes there are some standard blogs which need to be maintained based on the users. Writing for self or for others depends entirely on how you want it to be. Be back and keep writing. We are still here to read :)

  36. Be back Soon! I haven't commented much but I love the way you write.
    I hope this break is successful. Come back soon! :)

  37. I haven't read your post 'The Bike Ride' or 'Real Beauty', but you think "Simple Lives and Raindrops'was not up to the mark, I differ in saying that...For me it was indeed perfect, cause I usually I lack patience in reading sentences ;)

    As for the writing what reader wants...Naah! I think we should write what and how we feel, at least in this blogging world :D

    Hope to read the PeeVeeness soon :)

  38. come back soon PeeVee..i always loved your writings,It never crosses my mind that you are writing for the followers..

    take your time but remember to return to the place that you always belong :D

  39. imma read Nia's post right away.
    you're an amazing writer and i love everything that i've read on your blog. ♥ i'll wait for your next post!

  40. Passionate writing, lovely images and layout& overall feel. will be watching your blog. ;)

  41. I relate to this post and oh, how much! Infact, I think I should have written it :)
    I'm new to your blog and had to kick myself for missing it for so long. Also, love your blog design. I'm hoping that by the time I finish reading your blog, you will be back. Have fun.

  42. "What was once a source of immense pleasure and inspiration, has become a chore; reading blogs, ones that I love and ones that I discover."
    Which is why I've taken a break, too.

  43. I hope the break's done you good.. and that you're back on track.. miss u on twitter.. and c'mon aint we all myentally sick :P

  44. You are an amazing writer. Always had high thoughts of your style. It doesn't come for everyone. Yet, always wondered why there lacked a soul in many of the posts. I see this post today and I see nothing but soulfulness and depth! Re-connect with it and I am sure it will be the best journey you would have embarked on with your writing! Good luck! :)

  45. All I wanna say is you're my inspiration to create blog. You're an awesome writer.
    You're my Ideal for writing :)


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