19 August, 2013

Ghosts Of Roommates Past

Ah, a topic I could write a book upon.

Caution: VERY long post ahead. ALL rant. At your own risk.
 
When I joined college 4 long years ago, I got the best of roommates (though I wouldn't have agreed then), so when I came to Bangalore first, I hoped really hard that I would find roommates who I could be friends with.

How difficult could that be, considering Bangalore is FULL of girls of all shapes, sizes, orientations, ideas, dress sizes and whatnot. Apparently, very difficult.


I shall elucidate (whether you like it or not):

Number 1 was sweet. She is what I am now, friendly and full of helpful advice but prefers to keep her life completely and entirely separate from mine. Not that it is a problem now but when you are a green, green girl fresh out of college, a kind word and a shopping trip would have helped my case. But she was nice and that's all that matters now. And I shall be forever thankful to her for my first Corner House icecream.
Duration: 1 month.

Number 2, I'd rather not talk about her. She was three times my size, from Hyderabad, had very loud opinions about 'mallus' and their 'chaluness', hated fresh air from open windows, liked the television on at high volume at all times of the day including midnight and threatened to crush me under her weight. Oh and she doesn't flush the toilet or throw away her toiler paper.
Duration: 48 hours.

Number 3 was okay. I always thought that she was a bit of cuckoo because she never used to understand what I was trying to tell her, which is surprising considering I speak her language and well, and also because she spends the entire day on Saturday AND Sundays making rice and steaming capsicum in the microwave. She kept to herself and was nice enough to offer me her rice and capsicum. She always told me that I could take anything from her food ration and cosmetics (including a heavenly bubble bath from the UK) as long as I didn't touch her clothes or shoes. I was A-OK with this and offered her the same liberties.
Duration: 2 months.

Number 4 was a mistake me and my big mouth made. I'd rather not say anything here for I fear lurkers. I think my back did hurt her poor, helpless knife though. Tch, tch.
Duration: 1 month.

Number 5 was a local and got me into a hell of a lot of trouble with the landlady, complaining about me in Kannada. This was happening right in front of me and I nodded along thinking she was saying something constructive about something else and she knew full well I didn't follow. At all. I wouldn't have minded if it were not for the fact that all the complaints were made with the intention of taking over my room which was the best in the PG (in terms of space and ventilation).
Duration: 1 week.

And finally, Number 6. Ah, she is a work of art, a piece that belongs in a museum, nonetheless. My biggest error of judgment and I paid for it with 9 months of sheer misery. Right from bullying me into getting a house with her despite not having the finances and having known each other for less than 10 days, she trampled her way through my life in ways I shudder to think of. The sucker that I am, she fed me a story of missing her parents and I fell for it immediately.

Shopping for the perfect kadhai for her to cook paneer in took precedence to my broken heart right in the middle of a messy, drawn out, painful break up. Between this crazie and my 'extremely understanding' ex, my life was truly hell in a cell those days and I shall forgive neither of them that easily, if at all. I remember sitting outside the room, tears flowing down my cheeks in a never ending torrent, heart breaking into a million pieces and throat clogged in the middle of an international call, when she came out of the room and yelled at me for not giving her company for dinner. I also remember being in the middle of a HUGE blowout that involved me, my mother, my ex and a colleague (you don't want to know) and she wanting me to get the internet guys to buy extra wire right then and there. Gave me days when all I wanted was to jump off the terrace parapet.

A few highlights....

1) She insisted that I eat the food that she cooked regardless of whether I wanted to or not. And if I, by chance, eat out with my friends one in a way or skipped food, she used to throw a hissy fit and not a pretty, I-care-about-you one.

2) She never 'let me' go for nightouts with my friends. I tell her I'm going, she says no, you can't, I'm scared to be here by myself.

3) She sits and looks at herself in the mirror for hours on end. After a couple of minutes, it is just plain creepy.

4) She played the most tacky of songs on infinite loop loudly on her laptop all the time. This includes midnight, weekends and any other time I choose to be home.

5) She has about 6 guys salivating after her, each convinced that she is going to marry him. They probably spend all the time, energy and money on ensuring that their princess is happy. I admire her ability to ensure that none of them know about any of the others. This is apart from flirty texts at midnight to the house owner who she has wrapped around her finger.

6) Every chance she gets she makes me take pictures of her, in different poses and clothes. This is every second minute and regardless of what else I am doing. 

7) She is so dirty. The kitchen hasn't been cleaning in atleast six months, the washroom has stains of i-don't-want-to-think-about-it, she doesn't flush properly, she sheds hair like snakes shed skin and every single square inch of the house is covered in it, she hasn't done laundry in the past three months and the laundry bag smells like no girl's clothes should ever smell. The kitchen clothes that she soaked last month, were still floating around in water when I vacated. The house reeks of the five day old bhaaji that she cooked for her puri and left behind. Open. In the cooker.

8) Creme de la creme. She hits people. Including me. And when I tried staving her off, she hit her own head against the wall and the door and threatened to call the police on me for hurting her.

And all this is only tip of the ice berg and I'm not even exagerrating.

The last couple of months, I have been afraid of going home, I leave for office by 8 30 am and get back home by 10 30 pm, spending more than ten hours in the office. I stayed away during the weekends as well, after a point just sitting at The Forum mall for lack of anything better to do. And when I go back, she still makes a face, makes derogatory comments and makes me out to be evil and uncaring.

She makes me wish the last eight months never happened. 

On 15th August 2013, I moved, extremely happily, into a handkerchief sized place with a clean, beautiful washroom (yeah, another OCD), cheerful in the knowledge of not having to go through the trauma of another roommate. I finally get to put out my books without fear of someone tearing them out, put up my fairylights to satisfy a life's ambition and keep the place squeaky clean and smelling of rose incense.

AHHHHHHHHHH. The Sweet Smell of Peace Indeed.


But, after 7 moves in less than 17 months, all these buggers have left me questioning myself, asking myself if I am that difficult to live with.

Ugh.

P.S: I know this is too long a post but it is catharsis, please bear with me.

64 comments:

  1. Haha.. All this reminds me of street fighter, in the end you knocked out all the blood sucking monsters. Peevee K.O.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blood sucking monster :'D You love her as much as I do nai?

      Delete
  2. If all this really happened...wow, girl, you've been through a lot! This is why I always insisted on single accommodation! ;) Pricier, but saner, way out.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's a lifetime of experience in 17 months! And the last question is really something to be pondered upon. ;) But hey, nothing wrong in insisting on having a clean, decent roomie. Congratulations on your "move". Peace be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, major pondering happening :/
      And thanks :)

      Delete
  4. Oh ho.. these people are so crazy! Personally I feel the one who banged her head against the wall was the creepiest. :O

    I have seen the messy, pig stay style of living people by these seem retarded.

    Hope there never be a time when you have to share your room with anybody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Creepy, crazy, off her rocker - yep, that's her.

      Or I find a nice, sweet roomie like the ones I had in college :(

      Delete
  5. This reminds me of my luck and all the wonderful roommates I had and have. Except one creepy guy. I just pretended he didn't exist, and am pretty sure he did the same. :P

    P.S: I wonder if only girls/women have such horrible roommate(s) problem..??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha... Pretending is just fine by me, I wish the last one felt the same :P

      And yeah, only women have such problems. Men get along just fine or just ignore each other altogether. Which is find admirable because at the end of the day all you have to do is co-exist and that end is met.

      Delete
  6. Independence day indeed!!

    And btw, she sounds completely totally gross!! Can't believe you put up with her for so long. I found (heard) mine having phone sex in our kitchen. That was kinda the limit for me!!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yewwwww seriously??? YEWWWWWWWWW!!!! :O

      Delete
  7. I had a roommate for 6 to 12 months (can't remember the duration) whom never talks to me at all.Even when we bump into each other in campus, she won't even smile at all. I did tried to make some conversation with her but to no avail.. Till now I don't understand why but my friends says it might be because I'm from different race than her...whatever it is I'm didn't lose anything but She might :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh man what psychos have you met in Bangalore? I wish you had let me know before though, I would have been of some help finding you a nice cozy place just for yourself considering the fact that I live 3 kms away.

    I'm so glad you are out of that mess and all is well with you now.

    Okay now I'm gonna sound like a 50 year old aunt. Get married, then you get to live with the best room-mate ever!

    I warned ya! :P

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hollllllllyyyyyyy Craaaappp... Your last roommate was scary! Norman Bates would have made a better roommate. Is it a coincidence that you chose to move out on Aug 15? Happy Independence Day :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haven't seen Psycho but I'm sure he would have :O
      Complete coincidence :) And an entirely lucky one!

      Delete
  10. You seem to have a knack for attracting weird room mates ;) poor dear..
    I had my share of scary room mates but they were nowhere as weird as some of your previous ones :) :)..
    I too like my place squeaky clean and smelling of good food actually ;) :) :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right :(
      Ahh, the smell of good food works for me too :P

      Delete
  11. Long post ? You should see me posts. I drag it 10 times the actual content.

    And roommates! I don't like the idea in the first place. So 3 out of 4 years of Engineering, I preferred a single room, independent. I still would prefer the same, but economy is bad and worse in Bangalore.
    I can write about my roommates and that would be like a 1000 pages book on each one. But I try to avoid that by not allowing them to occupy my mind, well most of the time.

    And you were with such people for 8 months ? Boy, you have patience.

    But all this change is a fresh start, I guess. Enjoy. Stay happy.

    And wait, sitting at Forum Mall doing nothing and checking into foursquare, not cool.:P Now I know the reason for such huge number. :P #JustKidding

    Anyways, Take Care. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAhahaha... You exaggerator, you :P

      Patience has less to do with it and money has more - my deposit was stuck with her na.

      Thanks macha :)

      HEYY :P As long as I am there, it counts okay? Okay.
      :P

      Delete
    2. Hey, that's the least I could do. :P

      Oh, that makes it clear.

      You are welcome. :D

      Okay. Got it. Now I will check in even if I am just passing through. :P

      Delete
  12. What the hell!! Have you seriously put up with that monster?? Peevee, I feel like shaking you up. How could you be so naive and borne such a life :O
    I couldn't even read this ordeal with a straight face. And hitting ! This is freaking crazy and creepy.

    I m just happy that you have moved out of that hell and please for God's sake treat yourself better :( No you are not difficult to live with, they are plain crazy!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My deposit was stuck with her Em, had no choice other than to put up with her :(
      Thank you so much, love :*

      Delete
  13. I've had my share of bad room mates in the past four years. The first one being where I and all my mates were kicked out of the room, within two months, having no where to go for the remaining year, because of his ability to extract pity from the superiors and his suicide threats. One hell of a crazy guy. But no regrets. I now know what people to stay away from.
    Staying on your own is good but hope you get those awesome people to bunk with. Which I have been lucky to have an equal share of...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH YEAH. The last one was that kind, she told a colleague that if he doesn't go for a walk with her, she'd kill herself :O

      And I didn't know male roommates can be crazy too, men somehow magically get along with most other men, I've seen.

      Hopefully :)

      Delete
  14. wow.. you really hit the jackpot with these roommates didn't you. I generally moved in with people I worked with and I can tell you that even that didn't work too well always. I've had real bad luck with places I chose. Like a house full of cockroaches. Another where water came only for an hour in the day.One where the car park flooded every time it rained and another where neighbour's snores could be heard from our bedroom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A big fat jackpot it was too.
      Ouch, you seem to have the same luck with houses... Its like a jinx that takes a long time to break na..

      Delete
  15. I haven't had 'horrible' experiences with co-inhabitants per say but after reading your experience(s) and the other comments here - its safe to conclude I was probably on a long lucky streak with regards to sane room/floormates.

    On the flip side; after the hell Roommate # 6 put you through - You're probably sufficiently trained to survive nay even do well in Women's prison :P.

    PS: If I were you and had to gift Roomie #6 something for her birthday - I'd probably go with an offwhite Strait Jacket :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Naah, its different for guys, AS :/

      It seems so, which is why I love Orange is the new Black :P

      xD LOVE the idea, I will definitely consider it :P

      Delete
  16. Omg omg, I had a number 6 during my college days. She did almost all the things you have mentioned. Including making me shift with her to a rented house, an emotional blackmail tool that she was suffering from some terminal illness when all she had was sinusitis. She hated John and would make me feel guilty whenever I go out with him and oh yes, the un-flushed toilets and undone laundry. Nail to the coffin was when she insulted my mom. I lost my control n decided to shift that very day. But thankfully house owner chucked her out and I was so so relieved.

    Oh! Such a long rant !!!! We all have had similar fate sista!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :O wow... Really? Terminal illness and all, full on!

      But on the bright side, you have the best roommate ever now!! :)

      Delete
    2. What if it was the same girl :P

      Delete
    3. Naah :P She hasn't lived away from home before :P

      Delete
  17. 7 months. you had 6 for 7 months. *respect*

    p.s.: why?
    am guessing u were too tired of moving.


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks...

      Not at all.. Because my deposit money was stuck with her.

      Delete
  18. Okay the last one seemed ahh... ummm.... pretty interesting.
    Reminds me of Rose from two na half just a lil bit.
    Can I have her number please? I want to hook her up with a friend of mine. No seriously.
    Also Peevee, I am so sure she must be stalking you and must have read this post by now. Beware.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA... your friend might just bite off more than he can chew... You really want to do that to him? :P

      AAaaaaaahhh, don't say that! Now you're creeping me out :O

      Delete
  19. Oh god! the last one is so creepy. How could you survive in there. Live alone and have peace! at least for some time :-)

    ReplyDelete
  20. WHAT was wrong with her??? 9 months of misery you say? I would have been totally freaked out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was too :/ Didn't have much of a choice :(

      Delete
  21. Gosh that was intense..I am glad you got your own place.Yay on that.

    ReplyDelete
  22. From fear of psychos, i never looked for a room mate.

    Sigh. Poor you.

    Happy living alone :)

    P.s It is okay to have high standards for a place you call home. It is the space where everything should be the way you want it to be :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh my god, number six gave me hibbiejibbies. -_- But I understand your OCD (since I am kinda similar) and I am SO SO SO glad, you got your own kinda place. :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  24. 8) Creme de la creme. She hits people. Including me. And when I tried staving her off, she hit her own head against the wall and the door and threatened to call the police on me for hurting her.

    Dude. WTF?! :O There are some serious crazies out there huh? Wow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only appeal that marriage has for me now is to have a non-crazy roommate :P

      Delete
  25. 8) Creme de la creme. She hits people. Including me. And when I tried staving her off, she hit her own head against the wall and the door and threatened to call the police on me for hurting her.

    Dude. WTF?! :O There are some serious crazies out there huh? Wow.

    ReplyDelete
  26. these psychos!! you wouldn't know one until you've met one. to them, the entire world is psychotic except of course you know who. And they'll try every trick to keep you in their clutches and when you drop them...they define you as a maniac nobody can live with. And if they work in the same office, you're doomed. they'll also say (in a strategic fight picked up in full office view) your previous roommate was a tortured soul, becoz U girl are very difficult to live with!! That's what the last one did when i decided to shift somewhere else without her. But never qstn yourself....I've had similar experiences but only twice after that i was wise enough to move into exactly the kind of place you've described for yourself here.A small room with a squeaky clean bathroom (which i left cleaner when i vacated the space), with a porch overlooking landlord's beautiful garden and a small window in my room, which was otherwise very airy. I just loved that room. lived there two years.Alone. In peace :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh sigh. The joys of this living alone thing are indescribable indeed :)

      Delete
  27. bitching on blogs?!?!?!! well, bitchin is a womans birthright, apparently, mediums dont matter :P
    p.s. dont hate me for saying this cuz i read the whole thing anyway, n yeah i loved th latest fiction marriage thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, mediums don't matter :P And bitch, I will. And get into trouble for it also, I will :PxD

      LOL, thanks for having the patience and no, I wouldn't have hated you either way :D

      And thanks again (for the 'latest fiction marriage thing') :D:D

      Delete
  28. Can totally understand it. I was also subjected to such psycho roomies for about 4 years in my life. Glad to know that you are out of that mess and now living happily :) Trust me, such people exist. My roomie was equally mental :D

    ReplyDelete
  29. I think this is super creepy & I need to get ready for sone real time college stuff. *Sighs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhh, college will be better than this. College is cozy, cosseted. Real world is scary. That's when you need to keep your wits around.

      Delete

Whatchu thinkin'?