N - New

New as in the new year, when I, yet again, am handed an opportunity to better my life, correct the mistakes I made in the last year and do better than I did the last year.

New as in new stationery which I have been getting excited about since forever – the smell of new pencils, the headiness of markers, the freshness of new notebooks to be written on with the crisp nibs of new fountain pens filled with fresh royal blue Chelpark ink. All stored carefully in the pencil box/pouch of the year, bought specially for the year. 

New as in new members of my family – new kittens, puppies, bright-eyed and cute, learning the ways of the family and remaking old rules and eating from our plates despite everything (sorry non-animal lovers if you were grossed out). Bringing in new rules of curfew and food.

New as in a new relationship that lets me relive the butterflies of my first love, only in a whole new way. Learn new things, having new fights, doing new things together – looking at myself, my flaws that make me human, with a new pair of eyes.

New as in new books, the smell of new print, new words I learn, new stories, new possibilities, new plots – a world of new waiting for my mind to explore, waiting to enthrall me.

New as in new friends who you get to tell all your stories and embarrass yourself in front of, bond with and learn about – all leading to a point when you cross over from them being just friends and start calling them your own.

New as in a new project with your name all over it – full of potential for you to reach out and grab, to prove your mettle, achieve the ultimate goal of being irreplaceable in a corporate world which revels in being able to replace everyone.

New always means another chance. New always means starting over, starting afresh. New means another shot at getting it right this time over. 

I have decided I love new. 

 

The One With The Makeover

So I finally found the inspiration to give ze pore ole blog a makeover, as best as I can. Updated the pages, found my long-lost awards page and showcased all my puranewale banners. The social media icons actually work this time and I am so proud that I did it myself AND got it right :P

But the creme de la creme is the banner; I realized, after my very first one, I never had a banner with chocolate in it, so I went overboard with this one. Two whole days of obsessive not-working-in-the-office and staying late (for the fast Wi-Fi) has payed off with the results you see. 

That's before and after, right there.

Anyhoo, the thing is, I never promote my blog in the real world, I don't share it on my personal Facebook. I never told my colleagues I had a blog even and when people ask me to give them the link, I brush it off and change the topic. Not that it is difficult to find if you know my real name, but still. I always thought it's because I write a lot of personal stuff on the blog, details, that I am more myself here than I can ever be in real life (because I find it difficult to open up in real life, as it turns out), but I realised yesterday that it's because I simply care too much.

The blog has become a very big part of me, it's highs and lows reflecting the highs and lows of my own life. I am immensely proud of everything that I have put in here (blonde, shrill, stupid posts included) and I am immensely proud of what the blog has given me. So when someone reads the blog for the first time, I get real nervous about what they will have to say. And I'd rather not show them, than hear something negative. Sensitive like that, I suppose. Not healthy, I know.

I'll stop with the Oscar speech now. Temme how you like the new stuff. And if anything doesn't work the way its supposed to. And if its taking too long to load.

And most importantly, thank YOU people, you know who you are. The ones who have stuck by through all the disappearing acts and still come back to check if there is a new post. Still say that you look forward to new posts. The fact that I still have comments despite not having been active around here in forever has been the biggest motivator to get going again.

Thanks a ton.