Its surprising, actually...

... How fast time passes by.

How you block out things you thought were most important. 

How much things change.

How many emotions one person can make you feel and not in a good way. 

How there are certain days when the sun shines so bright outside that it hurts your eyes but it refuses to dispel the darkness that tiptoes around your aura threatening to engulf you. (wow, that's dramatic)

How some feelings never change. 

How some feelings change so much that you wonder why you felt them in the first place. 

How long you can go without the things that you loved the most.

How much you can change, as a person, over the short period of one year. 

How different a person you actually are from who you thought you were.

How much effort it takes to put a smile on your own face just to ensure that people don't wonder why you always have a hangdog expression.

How little it takes to fall apart.

How difficult it is to just believe the words that come out of a person's mouth instead of questioning every intention, every thought behind it.

How much you have missed out on in a world that was your world.

How many people, relationships you have had to lose because you do not have the strength to explain. 

How cynical you have become of pretty much everything.

How long it has been since you actually had a bar of good, solid, comforting chocolate.

How small things that you left in the past come back to make you smile.

How much courage you get in knowing that you are strong enough to still want to say bring it on. 

How much happiness it infuses in you to know that someone still needs your shoulder. 

How awesome it is when you can cross the road during peaktime traffic all by yourself.

How brilliant it is to have a group of people who just let you be and make you laugh.

How much hope it gives you that those people might let you call them your friends. 

How much it means to know that someone is trying to make you laugh despite everything.

How high you get on being noticed for having potential.

How much it means when someone believes in you with a steadfastness you have yet to see in others' eyes.

How the person you thought you hated is the only one who really believed in you, fought for you.

How funny Will & Grace is.

How some people have the knack of saying exactly what you want to hear and despite your cynicsm, you believe in them.

How mindnumbingly, awesome sukhapuri really is.

A long way, I have come.

A long way, I have to go.

 

I leave you to drool over this monstrosity from Indijoe's, Bangalore. A cake that almost got me a promotion, one that made me sick of food itself for well over a week.

 P.S: I HAD to write a depressing post before I could move past, so COME ON and cut me some slack, won't you? If anybody still visits this place, that is :D

P.P.S: I lost months of work that I did on my blog and a couple of pages that I loved as well, all because of a tiny mistake I made. Ah well, let's start from scratch, shall we?

Gah! To You Mr. '11

P.S: In this post, the P.S come first.

P.P.S: I have another post scheduled for 31^st, so this might be the last time this year that I’m posting in person. Don’t flay me if I don’t reply to comments for my darling of an uncle is coming tomorrow after three years and I fully intend to spend every second I can with him before I have to leave to college.

P.P.S.S: People around Blogger have been saying wonderful stuff about me, compliments showered about my writing and the person I am. I don’t know whether I live up to even half of those, if I deserve any of it even, but do know that it means a whole two dozen pure, blood-red roses to me. Thank you, with every bit of chocolate obsessiveness.

P.P.P.S.S: You want to know what happened when Chandana let me loose on her pretty blog? Here. Oh, and read this too, just for year end el-oh-els :P

***

Dear 2011,

You have been, by far, the most disappointing year in recent times. I kept my expectations low, for 2010 was dismal and you, somehow, still managed to not measure up.

Happy moments were but a blip on the radar with the bad ones leaving a distinct and cloying aftertaste. I became a doormat, one that will let people walk all over her and still want to ‘sort it out’. You made me lose friends who I actually thought would last. You kicked me in the gut when I was down and sulked when I was happy. You screwed around with my head so many times that I even started questioning if I’m really who I think I am.

You destroyed annihilated all my summer plans, big and small, almost gave me a heart attack for two whole weeks in October, made the whole of November crappy. You also gave me a measly A- on my favorite Sir’s paper (I’m NOT bragging for I expected a roaring 100% on it, for it is the only subject I even make an effort). It makes me want to question your sanity a little bit. You gave me back pain. Are you kidding me? And as a bonus, you gave me five friggin’ kilos; are you or are you not aware that I’m only 5’2” and I will look like Spongebob minus the cuteness-factor if I put on more? Shame on you, really.

But you gave me blogs and for that, you shall be respected for that and that alone.

But don’t ever expect any fondness from me because I promised you a standing ovation and, in return, all I got was a poke in the eye.

You say GAH? I say double GAH to you.

Not-so-much love, not even a little bit of it,