Its surprising, actually...

... How fast time passes by.

How you block out things you thought were most important. 

How much things change.

How many emotions one person can make you feel and not in a good way. 

How there are certain days when the sun shines so bright outside that it hurts your eyes but it refuses to dispel the darkness that tiptoes around your aura threatening to engulf you. (wow, that's dramatic)

How some feelings never change. 

How some feelings change so much that you wonder why you felt them in the first place. 

How long you can go without the things that you loved the most.

How much you can change, as a person, over the short period of one year. 

How different a person you actually are from who you thought you were.

How much effort it takes to put a smile on your own face just to ensure that people don't wonder why you always have a hangdog expression.

How little it takes to fall apart.

How difficult it is to just believe the words that come out of a person's mouth instead of questioning every intention, every thought behind it.

How much you have missed out on in a world that was your world.

How many people, relationships you have had to lose because you do not have the strength to explain. 

How cynical you have become of pretty much everything.

How long it has been since you actually had a bar of good, solid, comforting chocolate.

How small things that you left in the past come back to make you smile.

How much courage you get in knowing that you are strong enough to still want to say bring it on. 

How much happiness it infuses in you to know that someone still needs your shoulder. 

How awesome it is when you can cross the road during peaktime traffic all by yourself.

How brilliant it is to have a group of people who just let you be and make you laugh.

How much hope it gives you that those people might let you call them your friends. 

How much it means to know that someone is trying to make you laugh despite everything.

How high you get on being noticed for having potential.

How much it means when someone believes in you with a steadfastness you have yet to see in others' eyes.

How the person you thought you hated is the only one who really believed in you, fought for you.

How funny Will & Grace is.

How some people have the knack of saying exactly what you want to hear and despite your cynicsm, you believe in them.

How mindnumbingly, awesome sukhapuri really is.

A long way, I have come.

A long way, I have to go.

 

I leave you to drool over this monstrosity from Indijoe's, Bangalore. A cake that almost got me a promotion, one that made me sick of food itself for well over a week.

 P.S: I HAD to write a depressing post before I could move past, so COME ON and cut me some slack, won't you? If anybody still visits this place, that is :D

P.P.S: I lost months of work that I did on my blog and a couple of pages that I loved as well, all because of a tiny mistake I made. Ah well, let's start from scratch, shall we?

Coming Off At The Seams..

Of not being 'all that'.


Of not being able to breathe properly.
Of pain. Of illness. Of relentless damage to the psyche.
Of deadlines. Of shoddy work. Of pressure that finally gets to you. 

Of not being able to vent. Or talk. Or exchange glances.  
Of communication breaking down. 
Of watching people take off and put on masks right in front of your eyes.
Of not knowing what is right and what is grey.
Of needing. Of wanting. Of not having. Of disappointments, one after the other. 

Of saying the exact opposite of what you mean. Of not knowing how to say what you want to. 
Of wondering what you'll do when it finally happens. Of losing your best friend and soul mate, all at once.


Of being misunderstood all the time. Of being misguided all the time. Of feeling on the edge all the time.
Of being directionless.


Of watching the world go by and not wanting to join in for the first time.
Of wanting to let go. Of wondering if you'll be able to live in the shambles beyond.


Of being anti-social. Of being grumpy. Of having a temper close to the surface all the time.
Of boredom. Of cynicism. Of negativity. Of pessimism.


Of tears. Of broken dreams. Of memories of a better place.
Of wanting to go back to when things were nice amazing. 
Of wanting to feel alive and happy and unburdened again. 
Of being able to eat golguppas and hold hands again.


Of putting on a face for everyone else. Of going about like nothing is wrong.
Of hoping you see through it.  Of hoping you won't let go. Of hoping you ask me once more.
Of despair when you don't. Of feeling broken inside, all the time.

Of not being able to do what you love most. Of ignoring something that has always put a smile to your face. Of storing all the stories in your head and never putting them down.
Of losing inspiration to write. To go on. To live. 


Of uncertainty. 
Of trying and giving up. 


P.S: Nothing is actually wrong. This is me, in all my glory, being a drama queen :P

You Give Me Hope, Ms. '12

Dear 2012,

You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you. Why? Because you’re going to be my lucky charm. You’re going to turn my life around; you’re going to throw me into the world and help me find my feet. You’re going to help me take a crack at being a hot-shot career woman.

I don’t know what you have in store for me, I can only hope that you have considered all the above. You know how mean he was… don’t make me rehash it all over again. I don’t mind disappointments and pain if you balance it out well; I’m a big girl, I can handle it. Just make sure the changes I’m expecting lead me down to where I want to be. Or atleast somewhere good. Like Hawaii.

None of you, New Years, seem to like my resolutions for you let me down by the end of January but I have still gone ahead and made a few for you. Simple things, so try and let me live it out.

- No more potty mouth (rare exceptions allowed).
- Being a quiet person (21 is a nice age to let go of blabbering like a 14-year old).
- Minding my own business for not doing so got me in a lot of unnecessary trouble (not getting involved or passing judgments on what doesn’t directly concern my life).

See? Easy-peasy.

And don’t make me a morose, too-stuck up person; let me keep my happy-go-lucky status. Speaking of luck, do get Ms. Luck to come back and hold hands with me like before, please? Especially during the April-May period. We used to be so close, I don’t know what I did wrong.

I’ll accept the decisions you make for me as long as you justify them. Well. Also, make me less philosophical than now, I don’t think I can handle any more soul-searches, beliefs in the greater power and niceness for some time; give me six months of work and rewards, then I’ll go back.

If you feel like letting me travel, don’t hold back. And between us, girls, we know how awesome it is to see a full wardrobe with lots of variety and shoes to match, keep that in mind... woncha?
Also, help me meet up with my blogger friends, I’d like those relationships to not be virtual anymore.

Bring cheer and put a smile on our faces, you know we need it.

With hope (for what are we without it),
PeeVee.

HAPPY 2K12, FOLKS…

Let go of the stale and bring in the new.

May this year be all that you wish for and more…

See you on the other side!
Love,

Gah! To You Mr. '11

P.S: In this post, the P.S come first.

P.P.S: I have another post scheduled for 31^st, so this might be the last time this year that I’m posting in person. Don’t flay me if I don’t reply to comments for my darling of an uncle is coming tomorrow after three years and I fully intend to spend every second I can with him before I have to leave to college.

P.P.S.S: People around Blogger have been saying wonderful stuff about me, compliments showered about my writing and the person I am. I don’t know whether I live up to even half of those, if I deserve any of it even, but do know that it means a whole two dozen pure, blood-red roses to me. Thank you, with every bit of chocolate obsessiveness.

P.P.P.S.S: You want to know what happened when Chandana let me loose on her pretty blog? Here. Oh, and read this too, just for year end el-oh-els :P

***

Dear 2011,

You have been, by far, the most disappointing year in recent times. I kept my expectations low, for 2010 was dismal and you, somehow, still managed to not measure up.

Happy moments were but a blip on the radar with the bad ones leaving a distinct and cloying aftertaste. I became a doormat, one that will let people walk all over her and still want to ‘sort it out’. You made me lose friends who I actually thought would last. You kicked me in the gut when I was down and sulked when I was happy. You screwed around with my head so many times that I even started questioning if I’m really who I think I am.

You destroyed annihilated all my summer plans, big and small, almost gave me a heart attack for two whole weeks in October, made the whole of November crappy. You also gave me a measly A- on my favorite Sir’s paper (I’m NOT bragging for I expected a roaring 100% on it, for it is the only subject I even make an effort). It makes me want to question your sanity a little bit. You gave me back pain. Are you kidding me? And as a bonus, you gave me five friggin’ kilos; are you or are you not aware that I’m only 5’2” and I will look like Spongebob minus the cuteness-factor if I put on more? Shame on you, really.

But you gave me blogs and for that, you shall be respected for that and that alone.

But don’t ever expect any fondness from me because I promised you a standing ovation and, in return, all I got was a poke in the eye.

You say GAH? I say double GAH to you.

Not-so-much love, not even a little bit of it,

Yes, Another Mind-Numbing Tag That Nobody Will Read Fully

After my blog reading spree (during which my browser screwed me over several time because I abused it with the too-many-tabs-open disease) I didn't have the time to type out a whole post. I'll have one tomorrow, though does anybody care?:P


Anyway, this is something I found on Maryam's blog and I think I have seen it on Viya's as well. So here goes.


Edit: I will not admit to making a mistake
I have added a twist to the challenge, I have struck out the ones that don't hold true for me.
*sheepish smile*

Appearance
I have/had piercings besides the ears.
I want piercings besides the ears.
I have many scars.
I tan easily. (ugh)
I wish my hair was a different color. (perfectly happy with being an almost brunette, thank you)
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I want a tattoo. (SO GODDAMN MUCH)
I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/had braces.
I have more than two piercings.

Embarrassment
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something. (ok, this is a frequent occurence, I do this every time I have to glue something together)
I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose. (orange juice, to be specific)
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health
I’ve gotten stitches.
I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had chicken pox.
I've had malaria.
I've had typhoid.
I've had jaundice.

Travel
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to US.
I’ve been to Europe.
I've been to at least one other country.
I've never been out of my country.
I’ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometers in one day.

Experiences
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. (it's fun:D)
I’ve slapped someone. (not that I haven't had the urge)
I’ve kissed someone underwater.
I’ve chugged something. (aerated drinks, mostly. And water)
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a musical.
I’ve auditioned for something.
I’ve been on stage.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. (awesome moments and epiphanies happen then)
I’ve pranked someone. (so many times)
I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime
I’ve been threatened to be arrested.
I’ve broken a law.
I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out.
I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
I’ve cheated while playing a game. (what? I hate losing ok?:P)
I’ve been in a fist fight. (almost, though)

Death
I’m afraid of dying. (I'm afraid of my loved ones dying)
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone/something die.
Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
I have attempted suicide.
I’ve thought about suicide before.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
I own over 10 music CDs.
I own over 10 novels.
I own over 5 electronic gadgets.
I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
I collected comic books.
I own a lot of makeup.
I own gaming console(s).
I own a car.
I own a bike.
I thrive on compliments.
I thrive on hate.

Random
I can sing low key.
I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news occasionally or always.
I like to kill bugs.
I sing in the shower. (always)
I’m a morning person.
I’m a sports cricket fanatic.
I twirl my hair. (when I'm thinking or when I'm trying to distract my guy from his stupid laptop)
I care about grammar.
I love spam.
I’ve copied more than 30 CDs in a day.
I bake well cook reasonably well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I laugh at my own jokes. (:P)
I eat fast food weekly daily.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can’t sleep if there’s a bug/insect in the room. (Especially one of those flying ones)
I’m really ticklish.
I like live because of chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I’m good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
My memory sucks.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (True story)

People
...used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic. (Mom used to)
...called me fat. (not to my face:P)
...say I’m skinny.
...have said I’m ugly.
...have said I’m pretty.
...have spread rumors about me.
...force me to eat. (Mom, again-_-)
...say I eat too much.
...say I eat too little.
...say I eat too fast.
...say I eat too slow.
...have called me a genius. (Mistakenly so)
...have given me gifts.

Eating
I’ve lost weight.
I’ve gained weight.
I’m at my thinnest.
I’m at my biggest. (Ever)
I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
I’ve lost weight, but gained it back. (Always)
My weight affects my mood. A lot.
I diet. (Crash and burn)
I’m vegan/vegetarian.
I exercise. Pfft.
I’ve fainted from exhaustion. 

Family
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve planned to run away from home before. (Several times through the ages of 6 and 11)
I’ve run away from home. (never had the balls to)
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want kids.
I’ve had kids.
I’ve lost a child.

Relationships
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’m a swinger.
I'm single.I'm in a relationship.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I have/had a friend with benefits.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I don't like to depend on others. (Not if I can help it)
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
I’m a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I’ve kissed a stranger.

Bad times
I regularly drink.
I can’t swallow pills.
I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
I have/had anxiety problems.
I shut others out when I’m upset.
I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset.
I have taken/take anti-depressants.
I’ve slept an entire day before.
I’ve plotted revenge. (Oh so many times)


By far my health has been the most boring category.
Ah, well.
Happy Sunday, btw.


P.S: Now tell me that my page is loading fast.
P.P.S: And apparently this was so mind-numbing that somebody unfollowed me:D