Iris

I lay crying for a long time. A long, long time. For the first time in years, I felt like a failure. His shirt was drenched through and yet my tears didn’t cease.

And he spoke not a word.

Amidst my gut-wrenching sobs, I wished he wouldn’t give me any space now, I wished he would do something to cheer me up, to say that I am wrong to think such things, that I ain’t no failure.

But he spoke not a word.

His comforting presence and the aroma of his woody soap reminded me of all that I had, all that I am. I finally found solace in the fact that even if I had nothing else, I had him. I might be a failure but for now I had him.

And that made up for a lot of things. 

He still spoke not a word.

My sniffles died down and I cracked a reluctant smile... I’d always been this mercurial in my moods swings. One good cry and I could always put it behind and try to get back on the figurative horse. The darkness ebbed as I found courage in the flimsiness of the proof that showed I was a failure.

He finally pulled my face to his and forced me to look at him.

Fresh tears threatened to brim out at the weight of his unrelenting, almost harsh, gaze when he firmly said…

“That is enough. You’re perfect. And you’re mine.”

The problems weren’t solved, the darkness still remained, I was still afraid of the ghosts that haunted me but I knew I was not alone. That someone had faith in me.

“When everything is made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am”

Lucky are those who have someone that has such unshakeable faith in you, especially in those moments when you doubt yourself. 

P.S: Fiction after a long, long time. Not perfect, not even close. But I’m glad I tried.

What can I say, the Goo Goo Dolls are inspirational.

FML = Fluff My Llama. You Didn't Know?

Note: The only unpublished draft I had. I'm in a particularly foul frame of mind and this was lying temptingly in the folder, so I just took the easy way out and posted it.

All of us have those moments when we wish the Earth swallowed us whole, that makes us want to melt into oblivion and wish we were never ever born. But would you believe that one person can cause destruction of mammoth proportions in her own life, image, reputation and property, single-handedly? 

So much so that she can write a whole book on it titled - FML: A Case Study of PeeVee.

(No, I'm not one of those sickos who get high on self-inflicted pain, just a sufferer of chronic mouth-in-the-foot disease)


You think I'm exaggerating? Presenting five random moments I picked out. 

(not in any order)

1) The first day in college hostel, I'm just getting acquainted with every one/thing. It's difficult enough without your entire family standing around and lifting up embarrassing things like my heart-shaped pillow and stuffed dinosaur (don't you dare!) and asking me where to put them, when I decide that I want to demonstrate that I am Bella Cullen née Swan's twin soul. What do I do? 
I trip over a bucket. Yes. A bucket. A friggin' blue bucket. 
In front of the whole corridor of my newly-made college friends(?).
Talk about social suicide.


2) After not-so-much thought and very less discussion, we decide to go to my 'esteemed and highly reputed' college for admission interviews. It's a good one and half hour long ride and I settle down, not nervous at all, with three packets of Hide-and-Seek biscuits. Yes. Three. 
Have I mentioned that I have motion sickness?  

Anyway, I am wonderfully excited about the college. Why? Their curriculum is the best in the country. Because the grapevine said that there are really cute guys there. Yes. Cute guys.

So what do I do when I spot three Greek Gods standing near the turning of the college? Smile coyly, bring out the attitude, stare with my mouth open. 
I puke. I puke my guts out, all three guys witness to the mangled remains of all three packets of Hide and Seek coming out the wrong way.
Didn't help in the least bit that Dad stopped the car right in front of them.


3) Four years ago, we had a horde of cats at our place. When one of the kittens got stuck in the tree, I didn't hesitate to hitch up that skirt and climb the tree to rescue it, all in the name of humanity and compassion towards animals.


Just my luck that I get stuck in the tree after the old ladder cracked under my hippo weight. And you know what was delightful about it? That I remained stuck there till my family got home, called the neighbors for a new ladder and helped me down a good hour and a half later.
All the while, a small crowd was collecting outside our gate to look at 'the girl in the tree'.


Needless to say, I never talked to that kitten again. Ever. 


4) In high school, a (reasonably cute) guy comes and gives me chocolates for his birthday. The key point here is that he gives me a Perk XXL and the rest of the class toffees (don't judge him:P). 
So what do I think? That he has a crush on me.
And what do I do? Promptly start crushing on him.


Bad part. When I think that the crush is serious. To the extent that I sing 'Zara, zara..' and 'Tere bin..' to him in my head. (What? Hormonal teenager filled with angst and shit ok?)
Worse part. Someone tells me that it was my ex who told the guy to give me the chocolate on his behalf. Wtf.
Worst part. He falls head over heels for my friend. AND they start going out.


If this isn't a FML moment, nothing else is.


5) Class is going on. As usual. Very informative *yawn* lecture. As usual. And we're all texting away to glory. As usual. 
My guy is, unfortunately, a fan of sleeping in class. So I'm trying to prod him awake with slightly racy texts (ahem!:P) while texting five people other people.


Yeah, you guessed right. I sent the text meant for him to his friend.
I didn't even realize it till he caught my eye across the class and sniggered. 
How I wish it was just a normal 'I love you' or some such.
Agreed that we all type without looking but are there any other fools like me who send without looking as well?
And no I'm not going to tell you what it was either, so don't ask.


What did I tell you?
You can't make this shit up. 

P.S: Now that I have finished crapping all over my exams papers, I can post with my screaming regularity that everyone seems to be talking about.
P.P.S: December is here, you know. It's the Month of the Reindeer, you know. Please tell me you noticed all the snow on the page. And btw, where the fuck did the rest of 2011 go :| 
P.P.S.S: I apologize profusely to those I have promised a guest post to and haven't sent them yet. Chandana, you top the list. I'm so very sorry, I have been swamped am a lazy, stupid procrastinator and I'll send them in soon. Sorry:(


Edit: To the Grammar Nazis who drop by (read: Spiff, Darsh and any others lurking in the dark corners), do consider giving me a break about crappy punctuation this time-_-

The Ultimate 'Pet Pooja'

Are you familiar with the concept of food?

Must be, considering you eat every day.

Well I just happened to realize that this particular passion of mine has hardly gotten to occupy the limelight on my blog, hence the whole post dedicated to it.

That statement requires me to state my philosophy about food, which is

No, I’m not a glutton; I just love food, all kinds of it, in all shapes, sizes, varieties, assortments and… you get the point.

And I completely agree with Joey when he says, ‘Joey doesn’t share food’. I WILL get you an extra plate of fries but don’t expect to get away alive with picking food off MY plate.

Ok well, maybe a lot of people are going hungry while I’m contentedly polishing off my second plate of cheese penne, so I’ll share if you will give me proof that you are under-privileged in the ‘food’ department.

(I just read through this again for typos and find that I sound like a pompous pig; trust me, I’m just in love with the concept of food and food-affiliated entities. So please don’t judge me, I’m still the semi-nice girl who wrote The Bike Ride and Moments.)

Anyway, let’s talk grub:

Have you ever had ice-cream so awesome, that you don’t feel like eating it for fear that it’ll get over? The texture, just so smooth and creamy, while the bits of chocolate or butterscotch (or whatever you got) lend it that extra crunch that makes you go ‘MMMmmmmmmm…!’ making people around cast dubious and slightly perturbed glances at you, though you ceased to care long back when that first lick/bite rendered you oblivious to the Universe while you floated around in a state on nirvana stuck between the ninth and tenth clouds?

Have you ever bitten into the luscious crust of a pizza so exquisite that it makes your eyes water with sheer love for it? That first bite that has your stomach preparing for battle with the cheese dripping off so alluringly and the corn sizzling it’s way straight to you heart while the jalapenos steal your breath away… it makes you want to write poems describing a marvel, so common, yet so under-rated.

Have you ever dug into plain old dal-chaawal that Amma made, with that achaar, so lip-lickingly gob-smacking, that it becomes your comfort, your way of knowing everything is alright with the world? The achaar itself is a ninth wonder, so spicy and so tangy, with that right amount of bite that has you drinking water to quell the fiery sting on your tongue while reaching for more with the other hand.

Have you ever brewed a cup of coffee with so much care that one would think it was your baby, but little do they know that it IS your baby, so lovingly measured, so longingly filtered? The familiar and adored aroma hits your senses making you yearn, yes yearn, for one more whiff and before you know it, you have the packet/contained jammed up your face. You hold on to the cup for the sheer warmth it exudes while it expels rainy-day blues. And when you take that first sip, the light bitterness gets to your very soul, it warms up Life itself, makes the world a better place instantly and takes a headache right out of the window making the day deal-able, faceable in just a jiffy.

Now do you get why food is not just a part of life; food is what makes it so much more interesting, more light and wonderful. Also, they feature in most of our favorite memories: Amma’s home-cooked specialties that you start missing the moment you step out of home, that dark chocolate bar that got you through some tough nights, the crunchy cookies that gave you company while you slogged the night away on the presentation for the next day, the Maggi that was the highlight of so many hostel nights when you got hungry raising hell when you had an important submission the next day, the cold frappe that you almost spat out when he got down on one knee and proposed, right there. The chocolate hearts you got her for your first V-Day together… Food is omnipresent, the ultimate goal and the Mecca of all sorts of problems and people.

Worship or perish.

P.S: Yes, I do worship food, so much so that I will write an entire post about food-worship. No, I don’t have weight issues, not yet :P

P.P.S: These were just a few things I came up with, I could go on; if you want me to include a description about your favorite food, do tell me. If I have enough, I'll do a part two:D 

Moments..

1) I looked around, he wasn't there. I texted him, no reply. I had stomped halfway to the lab when he came streaking up the stairs. My breath caught (it actually did, not just an expression). 
Gorgeous hair flopping all over. The sexy goatee all perfecto. Brown eyes critically checking my new salwar out. Crisp white striped shirt, black jeans and his new already-scuffed Converse.
I wish he could see himself the way I do.

I think I fell in love all over again. 

A realization: You know you're going strong when he can still make your heart skip a beat.



2) Indu (BFF) texted me halfway through dinner, asking me to come fast - the only person who can make me leave food. I ran, worried - worst case scenarios playing in my head. 
She sat there in the dark, sniffing. 
She put her head on my shoulder and cried her soft, little heart out and very nearly broke mine. And a few minutes of my clumsy consoling is all it took to make it alright.

A realization: It feels amazing to be needed like that, knowing that someone considers you their bestest friend ever-est <3


3) Throw eight fools and joblessness together and what you get is a impromptu, mock girl wedding. The Groom is The Panda and The Bride is The Varma. Three hours of yelling, dressing up, making up, commenting, running around, shushing each other, running around some more, taking photos like crazy and executing the whole wedding = Pure unadulterated fun = Draws 'you-people-are-mental-and-dangerous-to-society' looks from around.

A realisation: The Varma will make a very beautiful bride someday (soon!) and I really wish it goes the way it did today, with the eight of her crowding her brains out.


It might not have been the best of days, or even one of the most memorable ones. But these three moments will forever remain special for what they are: 
little moments of love.

P.S: I realize that you guys don't know the characters in the play. Maybe a post about them?