Randomness Rattling Around In The Head

•    I don’t understand people who say they haven’t read Harry Potter. Don’t understand as in me no comprende. Don’t understand as in my mind stops making sense of the words that come out of their mouths after that. This applies to people who say they hate reading. Not the ones who dislike reading, I understand it is personal choice. But they say they hate it. I feel like a five-year-old then - I want to pout angrily and say I hate you. 
 
•    Grammar is easy when you have to write, but marking someone else’s copy down and answering their questions as to why it has been marked down is just painful. Also, the number of twisted sentences I have to read every day is even more painful – makes me want to go back to happier times.
 
•    My blog reader thingy has finally conked out, leaving me stranded with so many blogs that I have been stalking for years and the painful task of having to transfer feeds individually, manually. Also, goodbye to the days when I follow someone via GFC. How do you manage your subscriptions? Any leads?
 
•    In the last couple of weeks, I have eaten out only twice (as opposed to every single goddamn day in the last two years), and cooked pasta, pudding, rotis, dal, chaawal, alu ki sabzi, salads, dosa, frittatas, pancakes and soya sabzi ALL BY MYSELF. And I find that, considering she didn’t give me any practical training whatsoever, Mom has equipped me well with all the knowledge I need to start using a full-fledged kitchen without too many accidents. My faith in myself grows by the morsel.
 
•    My 25-by-25 list is almost ready and I’m wondering if I should post it as a post-post or a page post.
 
•    I read through my own About Me and find it a little frivolous. Left me wondering if I’m frivolous. I like to think that I'm not. But for all I know, I might be.
 
•    The worst/best part about working with the Books category on Flipkart is that every day I find a couple of titles I really, really have to read right that second. No prizes for guessing who went broke buying books and more books this month.
 
•    I have been a ghost around the blogger world for a long time now – dropping by to read a million posts and never leaving a comment. I realize that the reward for a blogger is the comment that he/she receives and I wonder why I’m denying that joy to some really nice writers.
 
•    Also, I find myself skimming or closing tabs when I chance upon posts for contests and I detest myself for judging. But, but…. So many around!!
 
•    Thrift shopping is addictive.
 
•    I’m going back to my black phase – no more colors and all that sissiness for me and everyone who says my wardrobe needs color and go boil their heads.
 
•    I miss my Enid Blyton days. Those days which weren’t tainted with the knowledge of how bitter and nasty the writer was, allegedly.
 
Most importantly, WHERE THE FUCK HAS THE YEAR GONE?!! IT’S JULY-AUGUST ALREADY??!!

10 Harsh Realities of Life

...in no particular order

- Moms will always be right. However stupid/outdated/atrocious/crazy/impossible the things they say seem, they will ALWAYS be right. Like when they say you shouldn't trust the girl you are about to move in with because she seems crazy? You should listen to them.

- There is always someone or the other having a better relationship than you. If you are in a new relationship, you will envy the ‘tenured’ relationships. If you have stuck by your man long enough, you will envy the freshness of new relationship. Not to mention all the singles who are cool and totally independent, secretly bemoan the fact that they have no one to cuddle with after work.

- There is always someone with a better wardrobe than you. No matter how long you spend picking out the perfect pieces of clothing for your work wardrobe, someone will come along looking like Donna and you’ll end up feeling like this.

Donna Paulsen - Synonym of Perfection

- Money and that waterfall that you picnicked at? Same strategy, they employ. Keep flowing, never collect in one place. And unless you set automatic transfers to a savings account that you can’t revert at any point, you will be broke by the first week of the month.

- Friends will make the best of plans only those specific weekends that you are busy or when you are traveling home. And God forbid, you miss a road trip, there will be Hell and a bunch of inside stories and jokes (that you don't get head or tail of) to pay for.

- Your winning streak on QuizUp will be abruptly halted at 9 by the ultimate dumbass who knows squat about the topic because in your hurry to gloat, you will answer wrong to the simplest question possible and give away all the bonus points to aforementioned dumbass. (For those of you who haven't played the game yet, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE).

- “What next?” is a question that people are going to haunt you with your entire life. Do not sigh with relief after any milestone that you might have crossed (boards, college, postgrad, job, promotion, marriage… you know), they are still going to be after your life (literal translation of jaan ke picche pade rahenge).

- All the songs you love will always be break up songs. And when you accidentally hum out loud (except in the shower), there will be at least one person who has a pitying look.

- When you stop watching cricket matches that India plays, they will play like their ass is on fire. When you finally convince yourself and watch a match, the first five wickets will drop like bowling pins along with your patriotic feelings for the team. That is when you will start praying for Pakistan to win the match, out of sheer spite.

- A smartphone will never have charge. Regardless of how many awesome things it is capable of, no matter how conscientiously you charge, at that moment when you really, really need to check directions to the club you are going to at 11 in the night, it WILL switch off.

The speed at which it drains is inversely proportional to how badly you need to conserve it.

Bonus point: The ...last seen at feature on Whatsapp is the most annoying feature in all of social networks.
Bonus point 2: Everyone will have better Flappy Bird scores than you. Unless you are one of those people. In which case, I detest your existence.

FML = Fluff My Llama. You Didn't Know?

Note: The only unpublished draft I had. I'm in a particularly foul frame of mind and this was lying temptingly in the folder, so I just took the easy way out and posted it.

All of us have those moments when we wish the Earth swallowed us whole, that makes us want to melt into oblivion and wish we were never ever born. But would you believe that one person can cause destruction of mammoth proportions in her own life, image, reputation and property, single-handedly? 

So much so that she can write a whole book on it titled - FML: A Case Study of PeeVee.

(No, I'm not one of those sickos who get high on self-inflicted pain, just a sufferer of chronic mouth-in-the-foot disease)


You think I'm exaggerating? Presenting five random moments I picked out. 

(not in any order)

1) The first day in college hostel, I'm just getting acquainted with every one/thing. It's difficult enough without your entire family standing around and lifting up embarrassing things like my heart-shaped pillow and stuffed dinosaur (don't you dare!) and asking me where to put them, when I decide that I want to demonstrate that I am Bella Cullen née Swan's twin soul. What do I do? 
I trip over a bucket. Yes. A bucket. A friggin' blue bucket. 
In front of the whole corridor of my newly-made college friends(?).
Talk about social suicide.


2) After not-so-much thought and very less discussion, we decide to go to my 'esteemed and highly reputed' college for admission interviews. It's a good one and half hour long ride and I settle down, not nervous at all, with three packets of Hide-and-Seek biscuits. Yes. Three. 
Have I mentioned that I have motion sickness?  

Anyway, I am wonderfully excited about the college. Why? Their curriculum is the best in the country. Because the grapevine said that there are really cute guys there. Yes. Cute guys.

So what do I do when I spot three Greek Gods standing near the turning of the college? Smile coyly, bring out the attitude, stare with my mouth open. 
I puke. I puke my guts out, all three guys witness to the mangled remains of all three packets of Hide and Seek coming out the wrong way.
Didn't help in the least bit that Dad stopped the car right in front of them.


3) Four years ago, we had a horde of cats at our place. When one of the kittens got stuck in the tree, I didn't hesitate to hitch up that skirt and climb the tree to rescue it, all in the name of humanity and compassion towards animals.


Just my luck that I get stuck in the tree after the old ladder cracked under my hippo weight. And you know what was delightful about it? That I remained stuck there till my family got home, called the neighbors for a new ladder and helped me down a good hour and a half later.
All the while, a small crowd was collecting outside our gate to look at 'the girl in the tree'.


Needless to say, I never talked to that kitten again. Ever. 


4) In high school, a (reasonably cute) guy comes and gives me chocolates for his birthday. The key point here is that he gives me a Perk XXL and the rest of the class toffees (don't judge him:P). 
So what do I think? That he has a crush on me.
And what do I do? Promptly start crushing on him.


Bad part. When I think that the crush is serious. To the extent that I sing 'Zara, zara..' and 'Tere bin..' to him in my head. (What? Hormonal teenager filled with angst and shit ok?)
Worse part. Someone tells me that it was my ex who told the guy to give me the chocolate on his behalf. Wtf.
Worst part. He falls head over heels for my friend. AND they start going out.


If this isn't a FML moment, nothing else is.


5) Class is going on. As usual. Very informative *yawn* lecture. As usual. And we're all texting away to glory. As usual. 
My guy is, unfortunately, a fan of sleeping in class. So I'm trying to prod him awake with slightly racy texts (ahem!:P) while texting five people other people.


Yeah, you guessed right. I sent the text meant for him to his friend.
I didn't even realize it till he caught my eye across the class and sniggered. 
How I wish it was just a normal 'I love you' or some such.
Agreed that we all type without looking but are there any other fools like me who send without looking as well?
And no I'm not going to tell you what it was either, so don't ask.


What did I tell you?
You can't make this shit up. 

P.S: Now that I have finished crapping all over my exams papers, I can post with my screaming regularity that everyone seems to be talking about.
P.P.S: December is here, you know. It's the Month of the Reindeer, you know. Please tell me you noticed all the snow on the page. And btw, where the fuck did the rest of 2011 go :| 
P.P.S.S: I apologize profusely to those I have promised a guest post to and haven't sent them yet. Chandana, you top the list. I'm so very sorry, I have been swamped am a lazy, stupid procrastinator and I'll send them in soon. Sorry:(


Edit: To the Grammar Nazis who drop by (read: Spiff, Darsh and any others lurking in the dark corners), do consider giving me a break about crappy punctuation this time-_-

How To Scare the BEJESUS Out Of A Blogger

First off, thank you to all those who commented on my last post, I haven't published them yet but each and every comment meant a lot. It was a post from the heart and your comments were equally so.

And how can I not mention those who don't read the post and yet comment, thanks guys.

***

Thanks Prithvi and Arjit for trying to help on Twitter, I still can't reply though.


***
Moving onto what I really wanted to say,

Here I am, happy me, browsing away to glory and on a blog-commenting spree when suddenly the good folks of Google decide to have some fun with my account and blocked it.

I get a "your account has been disabled for security reasons" out of the blue and guess what happened,

I HAD A goddamned STROKE.

After going through my own version of 127 hours minutes, incessantly complaining about it to everybody who'd listen and trying hard not to annoy him or my BFF (for they have submissions tomorrow), I check back to find it activated and immediately publish a post just to prove to myself and Blogger that I can.

What a relief it is, you have NO idea.

I heart you, Blog.

Don't do that to me again.

How do I back up posts, anyone?

The Month That Was.. August

August was a bitter chocolate chip cookie – bit into bitter pieces here and there but didn’t deter me from enjoying the cookie.

Anna Hazare dominated everyone’s lives (atleast mine) and the news as well. Independence Day just reminded me of how my country is going to the dogs, yet again. Didn't stop me from being inordinately proud of her though.

A full-of-birthdays month. I didn't get the first birthday cake :|I hold a grudge.

And started calling everybody 'the mantal bwoy'. 

A much awaited anniversary day, which was forgotten by who was supposed to remember, quickly became one of my Top Ten Favorite Moments in Life. The temporary amnesia was forgiven and forgotten (which is rare considering I'm an Arian).

A mostly important birthday came. And went. I wished and I didn’t get acknowledged. And that was the end of whatever little relationship there was.

Yet another realization:

 

Ragged a few juniors. Reminisced about how we came in the first year.

Gokulastami happened. And I fell in love with my own sari. Maybe they aren’t that bad after all.

I yearned for some good food and took out all my frustration on my blog. And instantly felt guilty for all the Muslims were fasting. I felt mean. 

Craved a Choco Lash Krusher from KFC for the whole month, one that was fulfilled by Mum yesterday. Twice over.

Found out MSM's real name:) So very pretty, it is <3

And promised myself I would stop writing such loooong posts.

And promised myself that I would stop procrastinating writing down the stories in my head. Again.

And my tattoo obsession is growing.

How do you write 'peace' in Arabic or Urdu?

And I wrote a quote, first ever:

“If you were single when I met you. Or if I were single when you met me.

Maybe things would have been different.

A story that ended before it even started.”

What d’ya think?

Oh and September, how YOU doin’?

P.S: Eid Mubarak and Ganesh Chaturthi ki shubhkaamnayein. Festivals come in tandem; maybe we should celebrate them together as well?

P.P.S: Anybody willing to teach me Urdu? A little bit will do.

P.P.S.S: Do check out this story. DO.