Traffic 101

So, I have been on the roads since I got my LLR almost a decade back (gosh, I'm old!:O) and what I love about this country and the cities I have ridden in is their complete lack of respect for any kind of traffic rules. That's what makes the roads so organized and driving/riding such a pleasure not to mention a breeze for beginners to learn and complete lack of accidents and mishaps. And there are never ever ever EVER any traffic jams anywhere in the country at all, especially not in Mumbai and Bangalore. Hats off to us!!

 

So I'm proceeding to list out a few pointers for all those who drive/ride on any Indian road.

10_ Learn to use the horn. Honk liberally. So what if the signal is red and the person in front is as stuck as you are. SIT ON THE GODDAMN HORN. The louder, the longer, the better. And if someone gives you a dirty look for honking too much, honk straight into their face.

9_ At signals, when you need to turn left, make sure that you inch in from the extreme right, as far away from the turning as possible. And when the light turns green, cut off an entire road full of vehicles to get to the other side.

8_ Bully all vehicles smaller than yours. If you're in a Sumo, edge the Activa guy off the road even when you have space. If you're on an Activa, honk the living daylights out of the cyclist and give him a very disgusted look as you pass by. He has no right, riding that piece of junk in this motorized world.

7_ Women drivers/riders are the best in the world. Maa kasam. And the entire world is on our side; nobody checks our licenses, we can drive/ride exactly as we please, overtake left right and centre, road rules gaye bhaad main and all that we need to get out of trouble is a few tears, heartfelt apologies and eye flutters, we can get away with even killing the black buck.

6_ NEVER ever let the other guy pass. Who cares if you have space enough for an elephant to perform a ballet, its a matter of your pride that you don't let him pass. Sonofabitch can wait for his wife's delivery.

5_ Don't bother investing in a helmet; why waste 800 odd bucks (that too for cheap ones) for one bulky, ugly helmet just to mess up your perfect hair. Ensuring that your perm or gelling remains intact is more important than preventing your brains from being splattered.

4_ Take off all the rear view mirrors on your vehicle, they are pretty useless anyway and don't really add to the sleek look, especially if its a bike.

3_ Always, ALWAYS overtake other vehicles as per your convenience. You own the road, have that confidence in your heart as you overtake that stupid car from the left as the bus overtakes him from the right. Or, you could yourself one better and overtake on ghat roads or hair pin bends at high speed as well. Like they say, speed thrills.

2_ In a traffic jam, compete with 25 other people to be the first to get out of there. Doesn't really matter that if you hold on for another five minutes, the entire jam itself can be sorted out - you HAVE to be the first one to leave, no matter what.

1_ And my personal favorite - When an ambulance has its lights on and is wailing, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT let it pass under any circumstances. You getting to the movies on time is more important than the guy within who's losing brain and body function. But if the ambulance somehow does manage to sneak past you, ensure that you stay right behind it and let it clear the traffic for you, because there are some morons on the road who'll actually let the ambulance pass. HAHA, the fools.

And as much as possible, be high, one way or the other, when you drive. Enhances your driving skills.

P.S: I think now that, if I die prematurely, it might just not be of over indulgence but because my BP will spike causing a heart attack when I'm shaking my fist at someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about road rules which exist for a reason. 

 P.P.S: Please get the sarcasm, it all sounds very wrong if you don't get the sarcasm. 

 

When Karma Is NOT a Bitch

Note: Unusually large amount of profanity used. Thank you.

Do you believe in Karma?
Well, it exists. So you might as well believe in it.
Why, you ask? (Even if you don't, I'll tell you:P)
Well, it was proved to me some time back by no lesser than the Universe itself.
And now that I think of it, It has been proving it to me all my life.

What did it prove, you ask?
The same thing that Newton harped about so much that we hated him for it.
That every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
The same thing that Timberlake realized back in 2006.
What goes around, always come around.
The same thing that Stickychu (roomie) put so aptly.
Shit happens, Macha. Today you stamped on it. Tomorrow they will. (Yes, she has very profound philosophies).


So basically the whole point is that when you do something, say something to somebody, be very careful. Be very, very careful for if you hurt them without reason, if you screw their case purposely and they get genuinely hurt, Karma makes sure it drops by your hostel room and kicks your butt.
The wonderment? (if that's even a word)
Your butt will be kicked almost similarly to the butt kicking you gave.

And what do I infer from all of this?
That when I get hurt or get judged or something i.e when somebody fucks up my case for no fault of mine, I don't have to do anything about it.
I shouldn't fret or fume or cry or go nuts thinking it might just be my fault.
I shouldn't be upset that I can't do anything to make it better because they won't let me.

I should just let Karma bitch-slap them.

Yes, as a result of profoundly-thinking roomies, I have some profound philosophies too.

***
That's the end of the originally intended post, go away of you aren't interested in reading life updates.

For those of you are still here,
1) I watched a Malayalam movie in the theater. This is my second time doing something like that. And I regret it as much as the first time. Malayalam movies (except a few) are always better watched in the comfort of my bed and laptop.
2) You don't necessarily have to know a person to tell them hairy details of your life, you just have to trust them.
3) Tell me, please, that I'm not the only one who's tripped over a broomstick and fallen flat on her face. For the 100th time.
4) The rains are here and I got drenched after a long time. Sometimes the place, the time, the reason, the goddamn methodology... don't matter. It's as simple as running along like a crazy freak with the widest grin on your face and not giving an ant's bottom of what people think.
5) Somebody PLEASE tell me a way to NOT get motion sick when I get into ANY-GODDAMN-THING that moves. As huge a killjoy as it is to me, it makes the people I love suffer along with me. You'll have my eternal gratefulness.

Yes, I'm random.

P.S: I have a cloud obsession. So next time you look up at the sky and see a cute/funny/fluffy/macho looking cloud, click a picture and mail it to me. Thank you.
P.P.S: OH and BlogAdda picked Public Transport 101 as a Tangy Tuesday Pick!:)

A Text Was All It Took For Me To Grow Up

Note to the unwise budding journalists of my class: I like being right. I love being right. I revel in being right. I consider being right my birthright. Now that we have established that, you have any more questions/statements/updates to make?

You know that moment?

The one in which something small happens to piss you off in a big way, like, in a instant?

The one that makes you go from 0 to 100 on a rage scale of 1-10?

Yep, that one when you literally want to kill somebody out of frustration, so much so that you can't find ways to express the rage.

I got a text recently which did that to me.

Here I was tralala-ing on my bed, thinking happy thoughts (about food, what else:P) and reveling in the freedom of a four-day weekend away from the nut-house that my college has turned into...

And BAM! along comes a text to ruin it all.

(Ok, it wasn't BAM exactly, more like a ting! that's my text tone. You get the point:|)

Anyhoo, along comes the text and it was like having a bucket of icy cold water WITH ice cubes to match dumped on me when I'm stretched out on a towel on a beach in Honolulu sipping on summer sangria, getting a nice even tan and basically minding my own business. 

I was hurt, mad, insulted and supremely pissed off for it was sent after I tried extending an olive branch.
To top it all off, the sender was a person I'd respected in spite of their intermittent immature behavior.

My instant reaction was to type out a reply, equally scathing with full intention of raping the recipient verbally (which is the one English-speaking related skill that serves me well) and have my honor restored while claiming revenge.

But then I paused.

This, my dear readers, occurs rarely never.
The impulsive, fiery fool that I am, I always look three hours after I leaped off the cliff and am lying sprawled face-down, Wile Coyote style.

But this time I paused.
And I reflected.
And I when did reply, it was decently. Calmly.

I realized that replying in the same tone of what I received would make me no different than the sender. I realized that I was brought up differently.

People have been asking me to grow up and be mature all the time .
I think I just did.

I am inordinately proud of myself for having exercised such awesome self-control, please let me go yadayada this once. I'll make it worth your while next time:P 
Have you gotten texts like that? How do you deal with it?


P.S: Yes, I'm venting. I have never been good with bottling it all inside and venting elsewhere will have disastrous consequences.
P.P.S: If I was confusing at any point, it was because I was trying to be diplomatic.
P.P.S.S: For people who wonder, I have no problems naming the sender but this post was about me growing up, so that part wasn't important enough.