:)

Happy Blogoversary, Confessions of the Chocolate Obsessed.

Picture Courtesy: Varun Nanda

Merci.

It's been a wonderful three years.

The Monday Pitch (2)

Unlike Facebook where you just become invisible, Twitter lets people know that they have been blocked. Sad, that.
Why? 
Because it's embarrassing for the blockee and induces them to write whole posts about the blocker. Go meet Suresh, people.
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Four photographers for you:
Hari Menon is an established photographer. I love his monos. Mush lovers, do NOT forget to check out his 'For Love' folder.
Naveen Krishnan is my classmate's cousin. Some class-act work he has. I love just browsing through the page when I'm all bleh.
Vishnu Vipin and Subin Kurian are classmates friends of mine, just starting out. Talented, even if I say so myself. They need all the encouragement they can get and tips on improvement, do head over.


1) On a related note, there is this lady who's been saving up to buy a camera but it's never worked out for her till now. This is Sameera's poem on her SLR dream.
2) There are some real stories that you read that make you think, "This is exactly what I want!! This is MY story". Pepper, with her inimitable style, narrates her iPod story and makes me time travel into the future. My future. 
3) There's some class stuff on Darlings of Venus about what the girls think about virginity. Check out the month's discussion corner.
4) MSM managed to choke me up several time with this. Spiff too, over here. What is it with these girls? Making me cry all the time:(
5) And Akila stttttteeeeaaammmed us up with her three part series. Read it in order though.
Lastly, Nirvana is mean. She's mean for making me link back to her every week. But if I didn't this time for this, then there's no point even having the Monday Pitches.


Oh and I guest-posted for Spiff.
Keep it together, people. We'll say TGIF before we know it.

P.S: I have a crush on Mila Kunis since "Friends With Benefits". Yes, she's that hot. 
P.P.S: I'm going home tomorrow *duckdanceisback* :D

The Monday Pitch (1)

In spite of Calvin and Hobbes, Mondays are bad.
And I'm sure the whole goddamn world will agree with me that that is an understatement. Since I'm too mind-effed by Mondays, I'm changing mine to "promote-awesome-posts-I-read" day.
No more explanations needed, I presume.

It's double purpose too.
See, here's the thing. I always wanted to do a meme.
And I get maximum updates on my dashboard on Sundays.
AND I read such good stuff sometimes that FB share doesn't do justice to.
So it works out well for everyone.
Anyway, here goes the very first one.

Oh and thank you Chintan, for the idea.

So there's this person, Kalpak, who's obsessed with potty. And he 'had a conversation with God'. No, not the regular grant-me-this-and-I'll-break-100-coconuts kind. Another kind.
If that doesn't pique your interest, nothing will:D

Deeps wrote a poem, her first one I guess. Honesty shines through and I love the feeling dripping through it.

I love this picture. More for the caption.
Grills and netting of that sort hold a lot of memories for me. Tons.

I have always had a deep-rooted weakness for mother-sentiments:) I place my own above all else and I think that there's no greater deal in this world than bringing a child up.
I have always thought my mother was the most harried of all, what with bringing the three of us up, more so because of a lot of reasons. But here's a mother who shares her plight of harried mornings, a wonderful read:D
And the picture at the end is a real treat!

Sugar and Spice has a very, very interesting conversation with Mark. Oh him only, apna Zuckerbergwala :P And she continues treading winding paths of her life, immeasurably chastened:P

My namesake has written so lovingly about hair, not with the least bit of frivolity that you'd expect from a teenager but with a depth that you'll feel only when you read. And I'm also looking forward to the post Farzana of Bit and Pieces writes for the same contest. Have you seen her hair? Oh my.

So there you go:) Hope you like them all.

I'll be back tomorrow with either how I ate my heart out or about how Karma is not a bitch;P

P.S: I have a strong suspicion that my mother is lurking about over here.
Momsuey, if you're here LE BLAH to you:P And stop sneaking around and comment somewhere.

Public Transport 101

Having used public transport, intermittently, for around 6 years now, I have observed that there is a certain pattern, a procedure to be followed, a path, rules which been laid down.

Oh, mortals of public-dom, adhere to them or be a small bleating goat at the altar of unbearable crowds and peak hour travel.

1)    The process starts from the very moment you see the bus approaching; hitch you backpack/jeans/skirts up (people might just end up pulling it off in their hurry), make sure your dupatta/stole isn’t around your neck (you run the risk of being strangled) and make very sure that your wallet/purse is in a very secure place (you KNOW why. If you don’t, go save enough to buy your own transport, buses are not for you). And more importantly, poise yourself to launch your person into the bus the moment it comes to a halt (you don’t even have to wait for it to stop completely). Seconds count, mind it.

2)    ‘Reserving’ (for lack of a better word) seats is not like when you book a flight ticket where the hostess takes your boarding pass and leads you, with a smile, to your seat and asks you if you want imli candy.

Think more on the lines of members of the feline family, the big ones, ripping apart the gazelle, whose neck they broke, fighting for dinner. Here, gazelle dinner = seat. You get the point.

Any object, pens, bags, shoes, socks, handkerchiefs, underwear (of questionable sanitary standards) etc found on the seat need to be taken as a sign that the seat is taken and any attempts to sit anywhere near will be taken as an excuse to start a loud, fish-market-like brawl. Keep away if you want to keep your anonymity in the crowd. Pick another seat, preferably window, and choose to ignore the rest of the world until you arrive at your destination.

3)    If, after all your efforts you fail to procure a seat, make sure you do not go anywhere near the middle portion of the bus. You are a woman? Stick to the front, preferably as close to the drivers’ seat as possible. Unless, of course, you want the local law college men boys staring at your chest (what’s new), contemplating with each other (loudly) what school you go to (!?) and exercising their vocal chords with the sole intention of impressing you with their rendition of the latest kuthu song that goes ‘adraadranaakumooku’ (I don’t know, don’t ask). Or if they consider you pretty enough, you might just get treated to ‘Kalyanam than kettikitti odipolama’ (Google the song for the rest of the lyrics, if you care).

True story.

Remember, closest to the driver.

(He’s harmless to you for he usually has his own regular groupies to flirt with at particular stops).

4)    Also, in case you have to stand, make sure you stick your elbows out and look straight out of the windshield. If you don’t, you’ll just be crushed into a grainy keema and you’ll have to call somebody to scrape you off the floor/bars of the bus.

5)    Have the exact change ready; keep extra coins in Re.1, 50p, 25p, 10p etc. I can’t stress this enough for if you don’t have the EXACT amount and you get stuck in a bus that has an irate conductor (who had a brawl with his wife/mistress about his drinking/eating/social/working habits), that’s Armageddon for you in the form of tickets.

Keep your hand extended in his general direction till he chooses to acknowledge it. If you don’t, he’ll just yell at you like you were trying to cheat your way to the stop. Save yourself the embarrassment and keep it extended, wont you.

When he snatches takes the money from you, tell him with precision and clarity where it is that you want to go. Also, how many tickets exactly you want (doesn’t matter if there isn’t a single soul on the bus with you, you still specify ONE TICKET). In case you fail to do either of these, aforementioned chances of being embarrassed come to play.

6)  If you’ve gotten onto the bus with your guy/girl, brace yourself for perpetual stares. It’ll feel like they almost expect you to start taking your clothes off and do it right there or atleast start groping. Also, be prepared for the ‘Tch, tch’ from the nosy aunties who immediately start discussing the ‘youth today’, your moral character, value system and your parentage (this is one of the points I was referring in 6 where you shouldn’t react). They will invariably end the conversation with what an angel their husband/their daughter is. Now, if you have the good fortune of knowing that the husband has been spending quality time with their bai or that the daughter is in love with the mochi and planning a getaway, you’re allowed one snort. One.

  

7)  Consider wearing Chanel No.6, Brut, Axe and Dove all together before you even think of getting on a bus; you will need it. Trust me when I say you don’t want me to elaborate on this one. Also, practise holding your breath for long periods of time, in case you get stuck between the aunty who smells like she just finished cleaning the septic tank (which consisted of dead rats as well) herself and the uncle who has memory lapses about his last bath (which was three years ago, today). In case, you faint, keep emergency contact numbers on your person.

Also, after reaching home consider taking one bath outside the house with Dettol and one inside with cologne.

8) Ignore all kinds of contact. Most importantly eye contact. Let them stare if they want to, you have your music.

It might lead to inquisitive, inappropriately personal questions like if you’ve tried hash, if you’ve a boyfriend and if you’ve made out with him in the local park, if your parents are divorced etc.

True story, again.

9) If you don’t understand the local language, then all is well. If you do, even in bits and pieces, don’t listen to conversations around you. If you do, don’t react to them; don’t laugh, snort or get pissed. And NEVER reply. My suggestion? A good pair of earphones which cancel out all external noise and an iPod with a minimum of 25 favourite songs upwards, depending on your travel time.

10) In case (after all my warnings) you do get into a situation where you’re pitted against the fattest, ugliest, smelliest woman on board, do NOT argue back. For she’ll make you look like a spoilt, rich brat (doesn’t matter that your father is a middle class istriwala) who is disrespectful, bitchy and careless. And the rest of the bus will revel in the scene of your humiliation. Suggested course of action: pretend you don’t understand human forms of communication. Better still, pretend that you’re verbally impaired. She’ll decide that you’re not fun enough to rape verbally and move on. 

One last thing, please make sure you stand near the door at least a stop before yours and crane your neck out in order to prevent having to flail your arms like a goddamn marionette doll after the driver decides to skip your stop and drop you 3 kms from where you wanted to get down in the first place.

P.S: Do note that my experience is limited to TNSTC and the occasional KSRTC.

Originally written for Spiff but posted here because 

1) She gets something else.

2) I've too many aches and pains to type anything new out.

And sorry about not replying to previous comments, please bear with me until I can move my body parts normally again.

# 1 - Spiff's Sensible Sense

I have plugged her so many times that GPR crawlers are going to penalize me for it:D

Presenting to you,
Spaceman Spiff, the one who makes Senseless Sense? Sensible Nonsense? go round.
No need for any long drawn out intros, she's already guest-posted for me.
And you already know she's awesome (Note: No exclamation mark).

She's here because she wrote a whole goddamn poem for my blog:D
Just for the record, not even my boyfriend has done that for me in all the time we have been together;P
So to say I was flattered would be the understatement of the bleddy century.

I remember the first time I chanced upon her blog from God-knows-where at 1 a.m during my summer break. I also remember having stayed up till 6.30 a.m digging through her archives and laughing so loudly that I woke the neighbors. No kidding.

She's that kinda person who defies definition. In a good way.
She's spontaneous, straight-forward, subtly feminine in a very non-shrieky way.
She's The Grammar Nazi. So what else do you expect, other that perfectly worded and properly punctuated sentences, a rarity in itself over here. No frills, no fancy, yet never fails to hit the nail right on the head.

And she's oh-so-sarcastically funny.
She has this way of making up phrases and expressions that I can't stop chortling at.
Examples:  Her Maa Junior episode, her movie review and her food guide.

She doesn't stick to being ONLY funny either. Damn woman went and made me bawl like a baby with her tribute to her friend's motherhood. Her affection for her near and dear bring out the best in her and her beliefs are strong and sensible. She is also 'ye piroud mellu'.

And it's not like she sticks to one genre, the world is fodder for her posts. I really envy the novel ideas she come up with like the 'what's in your bag' kinda post, her own 'crappy' signature and nails. Yes, NAILS.

She has a wishlist as well, one that tops everything I have seen till date:P

And she's also one of that breed I mentioned yesterday, the one who actually reads your post and comments a mini-post in reply. AND comes back to check if you've replied. Model reader, she is.

Like I have been harping on and on about, go read her frikkin' archives. Yes, ALL of you, even those who have been following her for some time now. Gold mine for you, that. Don't worry, her page loads eons faster than mine does:P

Break Out The Champagne, Please.

EXTREMELY LONG POST with plugs, proceed at your own risk.

I have been itching to write this post for a looong time and now that I’m actually getting to write it, words fail me like never before. I never thought, when I got back to blogging in June, that I’d take it so seriously, that blogging would become so much a part of me, that it would be something that I’d come to be proud of, something I’d be willing to work hard for.

*insert appropriate bgm*

Ahem. Now that I’m done being all senti and mental about my blogging superpowers (or the lack of them), let’s get down to actually boring your head off because, for once, I’m going to harp my head away without feeling guilty about it:P

So finally here I am, at a milestone in my career (yes, I take writing THAT seriously), typing down my 100^th post and talking nonsense celebrating my patience for having stuck to it more than anything most else.

Not many people know that ‘Confessions Of The Chocolate Obsessed’ left behind ‘Hand In The Cookie Jar’ and ‘Incoherent Ramblings On Life’, both of which had 15 odd followers and absolutely no activity except that of my friends. Now I know that chocolate, as always, has been my savior of sorts.

216 followers, 40 networked blog followers, 1645 comments, 92 page likes, 20,700+ page views later, I realize that without these (not so impressive but very, very important personally) statistics, I’d just be another person talking to myself in the virtual world (thank you, Chandana, for that VERY appropriate expression).

Every single follower was (and still is) greeted with an impromptu duck dance that surprised the living shit out of people around and every new comment to moderate was greeted with a silly, gloppy grin which would have made Goofy proud.

I gave my blog a makeover when I got to 200 followers, a feature I’d only envied on other blogs till then. I took me a lot of effort to control myself from putting up a post about it then, for I was waiting for this. Great big hugs to Swathika (it's SUCH a pretty name, you bum) for being my 200^th, thank you also for being on my post judging panel.

While the old header was special for a lot of reasons, I realized that with a name and a header like that my blog should contain more of chocolate-based stuff, which it didn’t. This one is more comprehensive of who I am, things that define me, my interests, my loves in life – beaches, coffee, fashion, tattoos, family, love, friends, dreams, babies, teddy bears, animals, photography, clouds, sharpies… make me happy (among other things). Other changes included the addition of a ‘fiction’ tab, a ‘now reading’ (ty, Psych Babbler, for the idea), a 'guest post' (if you want to guest post for me or the other way around, do check) and hopefully, a page which loads faster (does it?).

I’ve had help, a lot of it, reaching here. Thank you..

..Farzana, you’re the best inspiration a person can get, blog look wise. And your hair makes me sigh every time.

..Chandana, for being so unique and being able to make mundane things most interesting.

..Red, for being an enigma and the most-straightforward chick ever.

..Maithili, for Darlings of Venus (BEST idea EVER) and your whodunits which have me hooked, every time.

..Pradeeta, for adding mysticism to my reading life, for the sheer attention to detail and the wonderful way you spin stories out of nothing.

..Divya, for being Spiff:D For being that older sister-like figure, being so goddamn funny, for making up expressions that I keep thinking about and laughing (and making people think that I’m a nutcase) and commenting IN DETAIL on almost all my posts.

..Soumya, for being you. Just that. And your dark, deep poems.

..Srinidhi, for being the first one ever to have loved my stories in the blog world, for telling me I write well, for giving me the confidence to go on.

..PsychBabbler, for making so much sense about so very many things, for Pebbles.

I’m not a girly girl much as you’d argue otherwise. I can give anyone a run for their money on NFS and Blur and be rational too:P I value the guys who are around as well.

..Atrocious Scribblings – for actually reading my posts fully and appreciating my work so much. Doesn’t hurt that you put up pictures of the most sexiest cars around.

..Sushmit – for MAILING me with your appreciation, you will NEVER know how much it meant to me, that mail.

..Phatichar, for that brilliant series of yours. For trusting me with the story.

..Bikram, for making me smile or think with every post of yours. For letting your true personality shine through the blog.

..Anshul, for being so goddamn abstract that it gives me a complex most of the time:D For making a different kind of sense.

..aJ and Ashwin, for liking my work and for having disappeared -_- (please get the sarcasm)

Also, how can I NOT mention,

..KN., dude, you rock. Pakistanis rock. You called me pretty and I spent the whole day flying around:P

..Pinx, for being my bichdi hui twin, for calling ME an inspiration.

..Viya, Deepthi, AnjLi, Akila, Serendipity, Confused Soul, Panipuri Lover, Risha and Vinati, for being part of ‘us, girls’.

..Chintan, for that brutal, blunt tongue of yours and refreshing honesty.

..Induchi, for being patient about my constant 'she's getting...' song and putting up with my obsessiveness.

..Amma, who doesn't for the life of her get why I'm so excited about blogging.

..Nandu, for being there. For letting me say what exactly I feel, when I feel it, letting me rail, jump around for all kinds of reasons, prodding me on and sharing my ecstasy and not giving in to the urge to divorce me:P
For 'getting' me. 

And muchas gracias to every single one of you who commented and liked the way I write.

In case any of you are still reading, thanks to you too, for not falling asleep:P

What's in it for you guys?


Two things:
1) Comment and tell me what you like best and what you detest about my blog/writing and the one I like most will win a whole post dedicated to you and your blog. And obviously a plug as well. (My judgement, enter only if you'll agree to that. Also, more than one winner might also be chosen).
AND if you'd like it, I'll make you a badge, either a winner-of-contestwala or a fancy one for your own blog. (I'm not making it beforehand for I want to customize it according to the winner's blog and personality.)
SO GET CREATIVE, PEEPULS.

2) Anything you want to know about blogging, technical AND otherwise, critiques for your own blogs that you want.. ask me and I'll try to answer/oblige as well as I can. Or I'll find out from somebody who does and let you know.

So with that, two milestones I cross, looking forward to crossing two more someday...

And this is me seizing the moment to say

HIT IT!!

(Do it with me, people.. Shake that thang!)

P.S: And anybody who can make it here, to my place, in the next three days will be given chocolates and homemade coffee&cake and anything else I happen to make on that day.